“It doesn't have to,” Ruby said, hearing the desperation creeping into her own voice despite her anger. “We could talk about this…figure something out…”
Celeste shook her head. “We can’t. Even if you could forgive me for overstepping, I still can’t give you what you want.”
Ruby felt tears threatening to fall and blinked them back furiously. She wouldn’t cry yet. Not in front of Celeste.
“If…if that’s what you want, then I’m just going to have to accept it.”
She moved to where she'd dropped her clothes earlier, her shaky fingers fumbling with the buttons of her shirt. They still had some more time to spend together before the end of the festival. They could be adults about this and keep things civil until they drove back to Cheyenne Valley and went their separate ways.
Her heart felt like it was being crushed in a vice, but she'd survive, wouldn’t she? An increasingly wide chasm reverberated the question back at her with no solid reassurances.
“Wait.”
Ruby turned to find Celeste watching her with an expression she couldn't read, something between hope and despair.
“What is it?”
“Maybe—” Celeste swallowed hard, her hands twisting together. “Maybe we could keep seeing each other but keep it out of the public eye.”
Ruby felt every muscle in her body go cold. Time seemed to slow down, stretching the moment into something grotesque. “You mean, keep it a secret?”
Awareness crossed Celeste's face, her eyes widening as she realized what she'd just suggested. “No, that's not…I mean, it wouldn't be exactly a secret—”
But Ruby was already moving. She grabbed her jacket, shoved her feet into her shoes with such force she nearly stumbled.
“Ruby, wait, please let me explain.”
Ruby turned to look at her, and whatever Celeste saw in her face made her stop talking mid-sentence.
“I told you that I deserved to be loved openly.” Her voice cracked as she spoke, which made the impact of her words all the more devastating. “And you’ve just asked me to hide again.
“That's not what I meant.”
“It's exactly what you meant. I need to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out. Away. I don't know.” Her hand sought the doorknob, knuckles white. “I can't be here or look at you right now.”
She stepped into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind her before Celeste could say anything else. The click of it closing felt like the final period on a sentence she had no desire to finish.
Her vision blurred with angry tears as she waited for the elevator. It took forever to arrive. When it did, she stared ather distorted reflection in the metal doors, trying to recognize herself.
When had she become someone who perpetually fell for people who couldn't love her back? When had she become someone who kept settling for less than she deserved?
The elevator dinged. Ruby stepped in and immediately two other hotel guests joined her—a couple in their sixties, dressed for dinner, smiling at each other with the easy affection that came from years of being able to love each other openly.
She turned away, pressing herself into the corner.
The lobby was busy with festivalgoers coming and going. She pushed through the revolving doors and out into the French Quarter, where the celebration had continued without her.
Music poured from every doorway—jazz and blues and something with a heavy bass beat that made her chest vibrate. People laughed on balconies above her and a group of women in matching bachelorette party shirts stumbled past, singing off-key.
The whole world was having fun, completely oblivious to the fact that Ruby's heart had just been torn apart.
She walked without direction, letting the crowds carry her forward. Her feet moved on autopilot while her mind replayed the argument on an endless loop.
Then the constricting feeling within her grew tighter and she couldn’t get enough air. The crowds pressed in on all sides, too loud, too close, too happy.
