CHAPTER 2
JOVI
YOU CAN’T SPELL COCKTAILS WITHOUT COCK
“Girl, don’t be so hard on yourself. I'm sure it isn't the first time something like that has happened. Besides, Theo is an arrogant asshole,” my best friend and brothers’ girlfriend, Shiloh says as she pours us another drink. The liquid splashes softly against the glass, and the sound feels both comforting and mildly accusatory. Reminding me that we don't get to do this very often and I’m wasting our time together dissecting the wreckage of my love life. Or lack thereof, but I digress.
Shiloh owns a tattoo parlor in the city called Lady Death, and it gets more and more popular by the second. Ever since my brothers relocated there, wanting to be close to her whenever they aren't on the road with their band, Stone Cold, visits like this are almost non-existent. Between their chaotic tour schedule and me pouring everything I have into building Perfect Match Design, our time together has been reduced to quick check-ins and group chat messages that just don't feel like enough. I miss them.
Shiloh sways slightly as she hands me a glass. I've lost count of how many drinks we've had, which feels like a fair reflection of the overwhelming state I've been in. In true Shiloh fashion, she’s throwing me a breakup party. An evening to wallow, to get everything off my chest, and to shake the weight of my ex-boyfriend loose before returning to reality tomorrow. I hate to admit it, but I feel like this is exactly what I needed. It’s been so long since I’ve had a break from my business, but also, I can’t remember the last time I had a heart-to-heart with my best friend—even if this is a pity party.
After an entire afternoon of word vomiting every humiliating, toe-curling detail of what went down last night, I'm now sprawled across the couch in their cabin, one socked foot hanging over the armrest, whileNobody’s Sonby Sabrina Carpenter blasts over the speakers.
“Thanks, Shi,” I say, just as my brother Axl wanders into the living room. His dyed-blond hair is sticking out in every direction like it always does and I smile. I miss the days when they lived here in Blue River. They’re back in town for the weekend to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and it isn’t lost on me that they made time to support me through a break-up, too.
Axl drops onto the couch and tosses an arm around Shiloh’s shoulders before trailing kisses across her cheek. He eyes me. I respond with a loud, over the top vomit gesture at their display and Shiloh snorts and rolls her eyes in my direction. I will never get enough of seeing the most important people in my life so unbelievably happy. It was a long road for them, sure, but I knew that sooner or later, love would win.
“Want me to fuck him up?” my brother says, and Shiloh nudges him with her elbow. “What? I tried to warn you about him. The dude was a total asshat in high school.” I sigh as Shiloh shoots him a death glare as if to tell him to zip it. I don't remember Theo in high school. He and I didn't have anyclasses together and I was more focused onschoolthan I was on making friends. Shiloh was my only friend back then, apart from my brothers Axl and Phoenix, and their boyfriend Zane. I didn't need anyone else.
“It’s fine. Really,” I say, burrowing deeper into the couch. “Honestly, now that I’ve had some time to process everything, I wasn’t exactly fair to him either. I mean, yes. He is an asshat for cheating on me, but I don’t think I was as invested in our relationship as I should have been.” Axl nods, an understanding expression flickering across his face as he and Shiloh exchange a look. “What? What’s that look for?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. Axl sighs and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“It’s just…” he starts, then glances at Shiloh before looking back at me. “Do you even wanna hear what I think?”
“What do you mean, of course I do? You’re more than just my brother, you know that,” I say, mentally bracing myself for whatever home truths he’s about to give me.
“Alright. Jovi, you know I love you. But you overthink everything. You try so hard to get it right, to be the version of yourself everyone else needs whenever they need it.” I open my mouth to brush it off, but he keeps going. “You’ve always been a perfectionist. That’s no secret. But you worry about making other people happy more than the average person. Never rocking the boat. Somewhere along the way, you stopped checking in with yourself.” Shiloh nods beside him, quiet but unmistakably on his side. Is there even a side? I must have a strange look on my face because Shiloh shifts closer.
“He’s not saying that Theo is collateral damage, because fuck that guy,” she says, her voice soft. A small laugh slips out of me despite myself. “But you owe him nothing, Jovi. It’s perfectly normal to go through the five stages of grief, especially after someone so close to you betrays your trust.” I nod slowly, letting her words sink in.
“You are not to blame for his part. The why doesn’t take away from the who, what or when. He made a choice. A fucking shitty one, because I don’t know how anyone can’t see how great you are,” Axl adds, and my heart squeezes inside my chest with how warm my brother’s words are. Shiloh stands then slides into the spot on the couch behind me, gently stroking the hair away that has fallen loose from my messy bun.
“He wasn’t your guy, babe. You kept him around because he was around. You weren’t with him because he was the other part that made you whole.”
She’s right. They both are.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but it’s true. I kept busy, focused on building my life because I needed to. I created distance between us to avoid the truth, and the truth is, I didn’t want to let Theo down or hurt him by breaking up with him. I wasn’t in love with him, and that’s okay. It’s damn obvious he wasn’t in love with me either. That’s okay too. Theo and I never really meant to get together. It sort of just happened and it was always obvious to everyone else that we weren’t right for each other. I just didn’t admit how true that was until now. But even after everything, my only wish is that he can find whatever it is he’s been looking for. We both deserve to be with people who make us happy.
The weight that’s lodged in my chest loosens and for the first time in what feels like forever, breathing feels a lot easier.
“See?” Shiloh murmurs. “Acceptance.”
“Okay. Now that our work here is done,” Axl pipes up, clapping his hands together before standing. “Are we just going to sit around and mope all night or are we going to actually party? We’re here for a good time, not a long time, Snow Angel.” Shiloh looks up at him like he’s just hung the moon, the nickname sending a pink tinge across her cheeks.
“My God, you’re both unbearable!”
“I wasn’t put on this earth to make life easy for you, baby sis,” he says, stepping back just in time to dodge the cushion I lob at his head. I quickly stand, readying myself for a counter-attack when the front door slams. All our heads turn to see that Phoenix and Zane are back from town. They walk in, arms loaded with grocery bags.
“You didn’t,” I say, wide-eyed, as they set the bags and pizza boxes down on the coffee table in the center of the living room.
“We did. Well… Shiloh threatened to remove our balls if we came back empty handed, so here we are,” Phoenix says, grinning as the smell of pizza fills the room.
“God forbid we have a breakup party without food, and what the fuck kind of music is this?” Zane says, gesturing dramatically at the speakers. Not a fan of pop. Got it.
“What have I missed?” Phoenix says, his gaze bouncing between Shiloh and me.
“Jovi gave her ex’s dad a handjob,” Axl says, because he is the biggest pain in the ass. He must’ve overheard Shiloh’s and my conversation from earlier, and if it were at all possible for the world to open up and swallow me whole, now would be the perfect time for it to do so. Phoenix’s head snaps toward mine, his shocked stare pinning me in place.
“You gave West Carrington a handjob?”
