On the other hand, the fact that he didn’t want me didn’t mean it wasn’t hard for him, too. I hugged him back and ran my hand up his back, trying to make it easier on him. Pretend that he wasn’t destroying me. His arms tightened, and I melted into him, breathing him in.
“It’s fine, Luke. F.I.N.E.” I forced a smile, even though I felt nothing close to fine. I felt devastated. “We both knew. I knew. I don’t expect anything more from you, and you were gentlemen just as you promised. Well, except for a couple of occasions, the blouse and—” I sighed, shaking the memory out of my head. “—never mind.” A laugh escaped me.
“I’ll still see you and remember your coffee order—black, a pinch of cinnamon, extra shot. We’re friends after all.”
Oh no. The tears. Please don’t let him see me that way. He was still holding me, refusing to let go.
A montage of unrealized moments flashed before my eyes.
I could have stayed in bed with him longer, let his touch linger on my skin.
I could have watched him smile more when he forgot to be careful. When he let himself be happy.
We could have talked about our future. Our dreams. Our regrets. The places we wanted to go. The people we used to be.
We could have stayed and tried.
We could have been something.
I pulled back just an inch, just enough to breathe. I actually felt my heart crack from the inside.
Please, let me go. Just let me go.
Luke finally released me from his embrace. I quickly wiped my eyes and made a big smile.
“Hazel, if something... happens. If you ever need help, please call me.” His eyes were full of pain, and I nodded to reassure him. “Just ask me.”
My heart screamed.
He couldn’t give me the things that I wanted. Even if I asked. And despite everything, I still wanted to protect him, too—from a world that took more than it ever gave, from people who believed that Luke being useful was more important than Luke feeling loved.
“Just remember,” I said, the quiver in my voice betraying me, “your heart deserves to breathe, too.” I smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Take care, Luke.” Then I turned and walked away before he could lift his eyes. I didn’t give him the chance to stop me again.
The painful truth was I’d be his if he asked. But the men I wanted in my life never seemed to want me back. At least, they didn’t want me enough.
41
Luke
“Luke.”
I stared at the open notebook in front of me, the corner of the page dog-eared, and wondered why people did that instead of using a bookmark. She used to do it constantly, folding pages with no rhyme or reason, always saying,‘A book should look like it’s lived.’I couldn’t read anything without thinking of Hazel now.
“LUKE DAVIS!” A loud voice interrupted my scrambled egg brain. I looked up to see Williams watching me like a hawk. “Anything you want to add?” I looked at my team. Everyone was staring at me.
“Just that we should explore the possibility of involving Watson in Henley’s campaign. Both have academic roots and a passion for promoting education. It could create a powerful narrative for the brand and resonate deeply with the campaign’s target audience,” I said without skipping a beat. I was distracted, but my brain always worked in the background.
“Good idea,” Williams said, checking his watch. “Let’s wrap this up. I have another meeting in five minutes. Keep me posted.” He hurried out, with Nadine, his secretary, following behind.
I pinched the bridge between my eyes. I was tired. I haven’t eaten much for the last couple of days. Eggs, mostly—for sustenance. I’d thrown myself into work from dawn until late at night, and it was starting to take its toll. I needed coffee. Just not from O’Rileys.
It’s been almost a week since we returned from Portugal, and I was as entertaining as a goldfish. I was either short withpeople or ignored them. At first, I blamed jetlag; now, I was just distracted and exhausted.
Hazel’s words repeated in my head.
It’s fine. We’re friends after all.
I did exactly what I had always done. And Hazel had done exactly what I wanted her to do. I desired her, and I got her, multiple times. I warned her I didn’t want a relationship, and she didn’t ask for one. She promised nothing would change from her side, and nothing did. Everything would be the same. No complications, no drama, no fallout.
