So why on Earth was I such a mess?!Oh, but I knew why.
I’d always stayed away from love, and it wasn’t because I was immune to it. I just didn’t trust it. I had felt these stupid feelings once before, so as soon as I recognized them, I backed off, avoiding them like the plague.
Love, in my experience, led to pain. I’d seen what pain that stemmed from love looked like. I’d grown up watching it ruin people, and it was enough to enjoy the solitude.
Even Vanessa had texted, asking if I wanted to meet up. I was so disgusted with myself that I didn’t reply. The only thought I allowed myself when I tried to relieve some tension in the shower was Hazel. Her beautiful body in front of me, the morning sunlight falling on her curves. Her soft moans were engraved in my fucking brain forever. She was mine that morning, like no one had ever been, and now I couldn’t even look her in the eye.
“Hey, man, you coming?” Ethan’s hand landed on my shoulder. “We’re grabbing coffee at Hazel’s.”
A mention of her name stung me back to reality, and I cleared my throat.
“No, you go. I have stuff to do,” I said, collecting my things.
“She’s finishing her shift right now,” he added as I was on my way to the door. “In case you wanted to catch up.”
But there was nothing I could say to her, so I kept walking, stifling a yawn. I really needed a coffee. Or five. But I wasn’t ready to see her pretending she was fine. Maybe she actually was. Maybe I was the one who wasn’t ready to pretend.
Six hours later, I was still buried in work. I’d drafted plans and presentations for tasks that weren’t even my responsibility. But when my last yawn stretched to five seconds, I knew it was time to call it a day. I grabbed my jacket, glancing at my phone. The official excuse was to check the time, but deep down, I sighed at the lack of messages.
On my way home, I stopped by the store. I’ve always enjoyed a party, but drinking alone wasn’t really my thing. Tonight, though, I wanted to numb the mess in my chest. To feel anything but this.
I scanned the shelves, full of all kinds of liquid memory loss potions, picked out some whiskey, and headed to the register when a familiar voice stopped me.
“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Norah approached me with a soft smile and hugged me. She glanced at the bottle and raised an eyebrow.
“Hi,” I said, forcing a smile, but my voice was anything but happy. We could’ve small-talked, but we knew each other too well.
She studied me for a moment, and a flicker of compassion crossed her tanned features. My face dropped, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I couldn’t pretend. I didn’t want to.
“Want some company?” she asked, and I nodded.
Funny how she was the one picking up pieces after me, right there, in the very spot where I’d found her all those months ago.
* * *
We came to my place, and I offered her a glass. We discussed the trip for a couple of minutes, but the conversation wasn’t very fruitful. I wasn’t exactly contributing much.
“So how are you doing?” she asked.
“Norah,” I laughed, “we met a few days ago.”
“I know, but I mean work-wise. Logan said things went well with that Watson guy.”
“Yes. He’s on board. Williams couldn’t be happier. Even promised me and Ethan an additional raise.” All I could manage were short sentences with the most vital information.
“That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you,” she said warmly, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it, even after all the hard work.
“I guess.”
“You don’t sound too happy about it.”
“Maybe I’m starting to get used to success,” I said, laughing dryly as I finished my drink. She watched me for a second before lifting her glass.
“How’s Hazel?”
I froze at the mention of her name, but pushed through. “I don’t know. Haven’t seen her.” Guilt spread through my chest.
What if she needed you, and you were too much of a coward to go?
