Silence stretched between us, thick and loaded, humming instead of settling. Then she stepped closer with a look that made me want to breathe in her fire. She was strong ununcontained, standing in her own space without apology. Free in a way she hadn’t allowed herself to be in a long time. Part of me felt proud of her, the other part, guilty that I was the reason.
When Hazel finally spoke, her voice was low and sharp—no kindness in it. Then again, perhaps an unapologetic truth was the kindest thing she could have given me.
“I may read and breathe romance books because I enjoy them. It’s comforting to believe love conquers all,” she said with a hollow laugh. “That doesn’t mean I’m delusional about real life.” She closed the distance between us.
“Do you know how humiliating it is?” she said, her voice raw, barely holding. “How disgusting... how utterly ashamed I felt to keep asking for help?For love. From people who should give it freely. To ask for something that they weren’t willing to give. Something thatyou—”
She stopped. The words wouldn’t come, but they didn’t need to. I heard them anyway.Something that you weren’t willing to give me either.
“So no, I don’t need fucking money, or a job, or fancy trips. I don’t want to owe people and fake being fine.”
Hazel wiped her cheeks.
“You got yours. You wanted to sleep with me. That’s all this was.” Her voice dropped, gaze falling to the floor. The pain in her eyes gutted me. “But hey, I have no right to be angry, right? We had a deal. I was a willing participant.”
My resolve eased, all the so-called truth I thought she needed to hear suddenly didn’t matter anymore.
“Hazel, please look at me.” I reached for her, cupping her cheek, catching tears with my palm. She flinched, pulling away. After a pause that stretched forever, she looked at me. There was no life in her eyes anymore. Just defeat.
“You used me... for fun,” she breathed out and turned, walking straight to the door. Regretting that she had ever allowed me to touch her.
No!I yelled back at her in my mind. At her, at myself.Don’t go.
I had to rectify it somehow. I didn’t use her. At least I didn’t want to. She had to know that.
“Hazel,” I called after her, but she was running away. She was running away fromme.
She was by the door when I rushed after her, slamming the door shut in front of her, hand braced against it.
“I didn’t use you,” I yelled. Too loud, too desperate. As if the volume of my words would make it more true. The faint mark on her collarbone from two nights ago was still there. The one I had to stop myself from giving while buried deep inside her. Her breath was still intoxicating from the wine we had been drinking tonight.
“I never... I never used you,” I whispered, trying to reach her. The kind soul who made me feel things. Want things. Want more.
“Oh, please, I was just next in line,” she said bitterly. My whole jaw clenched at how wrong she was.
“You want honesty? Here’s some honesty.” I gritted my teeth. “Since that moment in the pool, every thought, every plan, every stupid choice has been made with you in my mind.What would Hazel think? What would she want? What would Hazel like to do instead?
“Youhave infiltrated every part of me, and I hate myself for it. I could crush your small body with my grip, but it’s you who has all the power.”
Now I was the angry one. I leaned, and her breath caught, chest rising and falling sharply.
“Your fucking scent drives me crazy everywhere I go. I will probably never be able to touch another girl, let alone fuck her, without thinking of you.” My angry rant turned into a soft confession. A silent surrender.
“Your smile. The way you blush aggressively when I call yousweetie. The way your body responds to my touches.” My eyes slid down to her neck and the cleavage. Her gaze dropped to my lips, and her pupils dilated.
“How you read books and how you live your life. You! You have turned me into this... this monster who wants to protect you not just from the world, but from myself.”
Her gaze locked onto mine, burning with pain, but her breath laced with want. We were both breathing hard, anger and longing tangled in every inhale. My chest ached with the urge to kiss her. God, it was unbearable.
“And your eyes... they never lie,” I whispered, stepping closer, just an inch. I brushed my knuckles across her soft cheek, and a single tear slipped down. I could almost taste the sweetness of her tongue on mine, but reality snapped me back. The lies I’d told, how she would never have agreed to this trip if she’d known I was paying, how she would’ve said no to me. Iwasselfish.
“I just want you to be brave enough to ask for what you want. What you deserve.”
My body ached for her, but she didn’t deserve me confusing her again, touching her.This is wrong.I shut my eyes and stepped back, running a hand through my hair, giving her space.
“For what I want?” Hazel echoed, laughing dryly. As if I’d said it to humor her. “You know what?” she finally said. I sighed in defeat. Waiting for her to hate me. To leave me.
I exhaled, bracing for the fall. I couldn’t even look into her eyes.
