“What does it matter if you think I deserve something? Does it mean I get to have it in life?”
It should. At least for her.
How was it possible that I had met this timid, funny girl, decided I shouldn’t bother getting to know her, then brought her here and shattered something in her that would break her a little bit more than life already had?
I softened. Emotions clouded my judgment.
“Hazel, I can’t even describe how much I hate that people in your life abandoned you when you needed them the most. When you were drowning in hurt. You show up for everyone. And yet... You treat yourself like you’re the exception to all that compassion. To all that love.”
Her gaze snapped up. A wicked, fake smile appeared on her face. It physically hurt me to watch her change.
“Oh, you want to talk hypocrisy? What about your ‘I hate love’ crap? I see how you are with Ava and Alex, Ethan. With Norah, for God’s sake. What you’ve done for them. You love them separately,andas couples, you help them get engaged. And you give me the bullshit that you have nothing to offer?”
I had said that as well. I never let women inside my soul. Instead, I told them they could expect nothing from me. No future, no relationship. Because I didn’t believe in it, I had no good role models growing up. We could all buy into thehappily ever afterbullshit, but if you wait long enough, it’s going to come crashing down. At least, that’s what I thought for as long as I could remember. But as soon as she mentioned Ava and Alex, I had to admit I never saw them breaking up in the future. Asdifferent as can be, they were perfect for each other because they loved each other despite the differences, despite the fights. They knew it was the endgame for them. Alex once described it to me as “the knowledge that there’s nothing they could fight about that would be more important than them loving each other”. And I saw it in his eyes, it had nothing to do with rose-tinted glasses. It was the truth distilled to its very essence. Undeniable.
“It’s different,” I justified myself like a coward.
“Honesty is the best policy?” she mocked me with my own words. “You can’t even be honest with yourself. You refuse to offer anything because you’re scared. Scared to be like your parents.”
Each word was a knife to my heart. It was what Ethan said. What they all thought. And it took two weeks for Hazel to figure me out, too. Maybe it was true. It didn’t mean I was ready to admit it. Not to others, not to myself.
“I’m happy as I am,” I lied. Again.
“No,I’mhappy as I am,” she yelled back at me, her finger pointing at her chest, but her eyes poking holes in mine.
“Are you really?” How could she say that? Her life was a mess. She was scared, mostly alone. No family nearby, Mady always out of town. As far as I knew, she didn’t spend much time with her coworkers, let alone ask them for any kind of help. Water her plants, maybe. Every ask, every offer of help, felt like a battle with her. Like vulnerability was too expensive for her.
“There’s a reason why people hide their pain. Isn’t there, Luke?” The way she said my name... My breath caught, and I froze. It wasn’t just a question. It was a mirror. And suddenly, I wasn’t standing in front of her anymore, but myself, exposed. Not just seen, but understood in a way that made my chest tighten.
Because she wasn’t guessing. Sheknew.
She knew how I deflected with charm, with noise, with anything but vulnerability myself. She saw the walls I built and recognized them like they were her own. And the terrifying part wasn’t that she was right. It was how effortlessly she’d known it all along and decided to treat it with understanding. With the kindness she possessed.
“How can you ever know what someone’s struggling with? I never pretend to know better.”
“What about your father?” The words slipped out before I could stop them. I had no right to say these things, but I had to get it out of me. I was shredding her to pieces.
“What about him?” she asked, caught off guard.
“He offered you a job you’d love, and you turned it down. Why?” It felt like spitting in her face. It was true, but that didn’t change the fact that it wasn’t my place, and I hated myself for it.
I wish I had her kindness. Her strength. I wish I were more like her. Instead, I was attacking the very things that made her who she was. I was indeed a hypocrite.
“How is that relevant? How do you know all that?”
“You’re hiding,” I said.
Her voice hardened. “How do you know all that?”
I paused before closing my eyes. “I saw the message.”
A fresh wave of disbelief crossed her face. Tears now spilled down her cheeks. I wanted to go to her, hold her. Make it all right. But I was the reason she felt like this.
“You had no right.”
“It was an accident.”
“Yeah, right.” I tried to excuse my behavior, but there was no point. I wouldn’t believe myself either. Not after everything she’d found out tonight.
