“We need to talk about him, darling.Tell me how he hurt you.”
“I knew this was coming.”
“He’s in your head, in your choices, and the reason you jump when you hear footsteps behind you.”
“He’s my past.”
“And your future.Whether you like it or not, he’s not going away.The question is… Do I fit there with him?Or am I just a place to hide for a while?”
“Wolf…” She licks her lips, eyes dropping to my throat before lifting again.“I’ve been surviving for so long that even thinking about the future feels like picking a lock in the dark.”
“That’s fine.I’ll sit in the dark with you.But I need to know what you feel for him.I need the honest answer, the one you don’t want to give me.”
“Okay.Jag was…” She holds out her hand, ticking the list off on her fingers.“My guardian.My superhero.My protector.My only family.My prison.”She lowers her arm.“But he’s not mine.Not anymore.”
“What do you feel for me?”
“I feel…” Her breath leaves her in a quiet rush.“Like I’m choosing something for myself for the first time.”
“You choose me?”I grip her hips.
She doesn’t pull away.Instead, she tightens her legs around my waist.“I choose you.”
“I’m never letting you go.”The warmth hits so hard it’s painful.“Not a chance.”
“You say that like I’m planning an escape.”
“Are you?”
“Depends.”She drags her nails down my neck.“Are you a religious man, Wolfson Strakh?”
“I tried.”
“You tried to be religious?”
“There was a time when all I wanted was to have a friend in Jesus.But when I needed him most, when I needed to feel seen, to feel love, the Only Begotten Son had forgotten this son.And that book his devoted followers love to quote?It cheers on incest, shames anything queer, treats women like property, and sucks the balls of the patriarchy.Also, God isn’t real.”I shrug.“So yeah.I’m your friendly, neighborhood heathen.Still want me?”
“Yes and amen.”She kisses my lips.“We’ll be heathens together.”
“Sweet unholy yes.Let’s start a cult.Church of Now-a-day Heathens.I’ve always wanted to be a priest.You can be my priestess.We’ll do his and her robes, matching tattoos, forbidden sex rituals, the whole damn thing.”
“Say no more.I’m never leaving you.”
“Cool.”Holding her against my chest, I paddle lazily around the pool.“So you and me.What do you want it to look like?Tomorrow?Next week?After that?”
She stares at me for a long time, the water rippling around us, her thighs clutched to my hips, and her swimsuit clinging so sinfully it makes my pulse throb.
Finally, she says, “I want to stop running.”
“From him?”
“From everything.I want to figure out who I am when I’m not fighting to stay alive.”
“Then let’s find out.”I run my hands along her thighs where silky skin meets the seam of her bikini bottoms.“What do you love?What are your favorite things?”
“I love engines.The rumble, the electricity, all that sexy power.I love thunderstorms for the same reason.”Her eyes hold mine, open and trusting.“And I love the way you look at me.”
“For the same reason?”
