And this time, I surprised myself.I shared things.Not everything, not the worst pieces, but enough to break away some of the stubborn plaque in my chest.
He told me my nightmares make sense.My panic spikes make sense.My breakdown after touching Jag… That makes sense, too.No shame or judgment.Just a man saying,You survived hell, Wolfson.Your brain reacts because it remembers.
Not gonna lie.I hate how exposed these sessions make me feel, how he sees the things I don’t say, and how he names feelings I’d rather pretend I don’t have.There’s a mountain of shit I need to work on.The anger, the guilt, and the stupid fixation on Jag Rath that I can’t shake.
I want to be better for Dove.The best version of myself.And whatever the hell this magnetic pull toward her stepbrother is… It’s not helping.
“You’re thinking too loud.”She taps my forehead with a wet finger.
“I want to ask you something.A few things.”
“Ask.”Her legs tense around me, her voice calm, but not casual.Never casual.
“I want to understand you.”I ease my head back to look at her.
“Which part?”Her chin lifts, guarded.
“All of it.Everything.But first and foremost, how are you?Be sincere.Really.How are you?”
“I’m fine.”At my arched brow, she sighs.“Okay, I’m… Tired.Jumpy.Half-hopeful, which I hate.Half-terrified, which is normal.”
“Why are you scared?”
“Because I feel safe.Thatscares the hell out of me.Safety has never lasted in my life.It usually comes right before something terrible.”She chews on her cheek.“I feel like I’m learning how to breathe again.It hurts.Everything hurts.But you make it hurt less.”
“What else?”
“You make me hungry in ways I don’t understand.I’m confused.And overwhelmed.My past sits in my bones like pockmarks.But I’m here.With you.Which means something I can’t name yet.”She releases a thready breath.“That’s the truth.”
Her honesty knocks the wind out of me.I want to wrap her up, hide her from the world, and swear on my life she’ll never have to brace for pain again.But I know better.She doesn’t need a cage.She needs a place to land.
“Thank you for telling me.”I graze my lips along her cheek.“I don’t want the easy Dove.I want the real one.The messy, uncertain one.The one who’s still figuring things out.”I rest my mouth on her temple.“For the record, I’m not going anywhere.So feel whatever you need to feel.I’m right here.”
“I know, and I can’t express how grateful I am for you.”She cups my cheek, her exhale teasing my lips.“My turn to ask something.”
“Fire away.”
“What’s the quality you admire the most in the person you like the least?”
“The people I like the least are dead.”
“Someone alive.”
Well, that narrows it down.The contact list on my phone is a short one, and most of them are Strakh employees.But there’s one name missing, and he pisses me off in a way that feels… Annoyingly, dangerously satisfying.
Fucking Jag.
I know what I admire the most about him, but the moment I say it, she’ll see right through me.
Except this is what I wanted.Talking.Honesty.No secrets between us.She gave me her truth, and now I owe her mine.
“Okay.Here’s what I admire… His loyalty and sense of duty, even knowing how deeply he’s twisted those qualities into obsession.He won’t stop.Never.He’ll burn the world for his obsession and destroy himself in the process.”
She looks away, knowing exactly who I’m talking about.“His sense of duty kept me alive all these years, but it’s also the very thing that ruined me.”
“You’re not ruined.”
“My scars…” She coasts a hand down my damaged chest.“They live beneath the surface, unseen.”
