“It’s not,” I disagreed, turning my face to the brilliance. It felt like the first rays of sunlight on a chilly morning, a welcomeheat. But I could tell Gavriel was hurting. “It’s Rumple, Gav. You can go. I’ll be safe.”
“I’m the Lightbearer,” he growled. “And your mate. I’m not fucking leaving you.”
A voice pierced both our minds at once.You’re mates?There was confusion and pain in those two words. But the voice was still Rumple’s. I felt Gavriel’s love moving through the bond between us, and then he was gone, flying far enough that the heat didn’t distress him.
“Rumple, is that you?” I said softly. He didn’t answer.
Then, across the Limen, in the cloud wall… the gate appeared. And opened. The clouds around it turned a hazy gold as light poured out of the opening. Light, and music. It sounded like every soul in the Celestial Realm was calling him, welcoming him home. Pulling him away.
The light diminished slightly, as he moved toward the gate. “Wait!” I shouted.
But he didn’t.
Acting on impulse, I opened my soul, letting the song of my heart flow out into the air between us. His movement stuttered, but then he kept moving, going toward the gate of the Celestial Realm. The Celestial music grew louder, more triumphant, as it drew him. But Rumple wouldn’t leave me. He never would. Maybe it wasn’t him?
Is that you?I called, and listened in the silence, until I heard his answer.
Who am I? Do you know who I am? Am I yours? Are you mine? Can you tell me who I am?
My feet were pinned in place, but I called back to him as he left,You are mine, and I am yours, and always will be. You are Rumpelstiltskin Johnson III, who is also Seraphiel, First of the Celestial Children, Bringer of Hope to the Hopeless, known as Rumple, Teacher and First Love of Feather, the BeautifulSacrifice, Heart Friend of Gavriel the Grumpy Lightbearer, and of Mikhail the Great-Souled. And my beloved,I thought, weeping now, as the door to the Celestial Realm opened wider, and I could see the outline of an Angelus silhouetted against the dark clouds beyond.
I recognized the shape of his face, but everything else was altered. He had crystalline wings, but no horns. No tail. Angelic sigils shone all over his body instead of dark whorls, and his eyes didn’t spin with galaxies and endless knowledge. They were golden, and beautiful, but there was no recognition in them. Before the door could close behind him, I sang out as loud as I could, in my small, imperfect voice, “Come back to me, my first, perfect love. Follow this song. Follow our love.Rememberme.”
I waited for the door to shut, feeling the presence of my three mates in my heart as they listened. They were all ready to fly to my side, to support me.
But the door didn’t close immediately. It stayed slightly ajar, and hope kindled in my heart. I ran toward it, trying to get close enough for Rumple to see me. To recognize my face. When I was only a few yards away, something pressed me back, stopping me in place. A constant surge of energy pulsed from the Celestial gate, keeping me away while it was open.
“Rumple?” I blinked against the brilliance that surrounded him like a corona, staring with watering eyes into the face I’d loved longer than any other. Though the lover I’d known was full of secrets and mischief, and dark power. This Rumple exuded holy fire and innocence. And he looked uncomfortable.
“Is that who I am?” He dropped a hand to the back of his neck sheepishly, and stammered, “I… I don’t know myself. Or you. But I feel as if I should.”
“You should,” I agreed. “My name is Feather, the Beautiful Sacrifice…”
When I’d finished my whole name, he blinked, and said with the slightest hint of awe in his voice, “That’s an exquisite name. And this Seraphiel, which is me—I’m your first love? You’re… you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe I don’t remember you.”
“Don’t leave,” I said, trying not to beg. “Stay here with me, Rumple. I can help you remember.” I could even see how we could all make it work. I’d shared so much of my life with him, but Gavriel and Mikhail had known him for far longer. The older Guides and Protectors, too—we could all spend time with him, years if we needed, to show him who he was in our memories. Rebuild him into… well, if not the Rumple he had been, precisely, at least close to it.
I sent him those thoughts now, as the pulse of power from the gate began to push me backward, my feet skidding on the cloud floor.You can be Rumple again,I promised.We’ll help you find yourself.
A thought trickled through my mind, like a single raindrop down a windowpane,I’m sorry. I don’t remember you.He looked over his shoulder, a smile blooming on his exquisite face as he took in the Celestial Realm. The chorus grew almost deafening as he set one hand on the ugly fire door handle. Stepped one foot into a realm I couldn’t enter, ever again.You’re very beautiful, but I don’t know you. And this place is my home. I can feel it. I’m home.
I held my breath, praying for him to change his mind. For him to remember me. But after another long moment, he lifted his own voice to join the Celestial choir, and vanished.
Then the door slammed shut between us, and I fell to the ground.
I’d thought I was strong. I had survived centuries of pain, loss, and separation, and nothing had broken me.
Until now.
Chapter 40
Feather
Every soul in Sanctuary came to sit with me that day. My mates stayed the entire time, holding my hands as I sat cross-legged and stared at the place in the cloud wall where Rumple had vanished. Mikhail brought my sheet and wrapped it around my shoulders.
I didn’t cry. My grief was far beyond tears, so much deeper than any physical sign could represent. I held still, knowing if Imoved, I would blow apart, ripped along the seams of my heart. This loss was irreparable.
Rumple hadn’t known me. He had chosen to leave me. After all his promises, all our centuries of connection, he had left me.
