“Sure,” he says as he makes his way to the couch.“But first, I was wondering if we could…”
He trails off, and I set the controller down on the coffee table so I can give him my full attention.“What’s up?”
“I thought about your offer.The cuddle offer,” he says.
I knew what he was talking about immediately, but I’ve always appreciated his need to be specific.“Okay,” I say, not sure what to say.I settle on, “What were you thinking about?”
He takes a breath and blows it out, almost to steel his nerves.“I want to try it.Cuddling.I don’t know how comfortable I’ll be with it, but I want to see.”
Two days of anxious tension starts releasing from my shoulders.Oh, thank God I didn’t fuck things up.
“That is, if the offer is still on the table—”
“It is,” I say in a rush before smiling.“When did you want to start?”
His posture relaxes, and he offers me a tentative smile—the soft, unforced one that rarely makes an appearance outside of this apartment.“Well, I thought maybe now, but you’re doing something, so it can be later.”
“No, now is good with me,” I say.“Now” is the answer I was hoping for, actually.
“I don’t want to interrupt you,” he insists.“I can read instead.”His gaze drops to his hands, which are fiddling with the end of his sleeves.One of his nervous stims.
Slowly, I reach my hand out, giving him time to see the touch coming.He lifts his head, and his eyes don’t quite meet mine, instead landing on the general area of my chin.
“Can I?”I ask, my hand hovering over his.
He glances between my chin and our hands before nodding.With permission granted, I settle my hand on top of his.
“We could do both,” I offer.
“Both?”
“We can cuddle while you read and I continue to mine,” I clarify.
“That would be okay?”he asks.
“Of course,” I say.“But first, how do you want to do this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, how much physical contact are you okay with?”The last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable by moving too fast.I’m a bit of a cuddle slut, so I need him to take the lead on this one.
“I don’t know,” he says honestly.“That’s part of why I want to do this.I want to figure out what I am and am not okay with.”
“Then why don’t we start slow?”I grab the controller again and sink back into the couch before patting the cushion next to me.“Come sit closer to me.”
“Um, let me grab my eReader first,” he says, and I nod.
He disappears into his room and is back less than a minute later with his eReader and his lap-sized weighted blanket.He settles down next to me, his thigh brushing against mine.Then he looks at me uncertainly.“I don’t know what to do next.”
I smile a little, endeared by how straightforward he can be even when he’s uncertain about something.“Give me your arm?”
He holds out his arm, and I thread it through mine.“Is this okay?”
He hesitates for a moment then, without prompting, he leans into me so we’re pressed together from elbow to shoulder, and my smile widens.“Yeah, I think so,” he says.
With a nod, I grab my controller again, and he takes the cue, focusing on his book.We sit in companionable silence, him reading, and me finally figuring out how to get out of this fucking cave I found myself in.After a while, I feel him shift next to me.I keep my focus on the game, not wanting to make him feel like he’s being watched, but out of the corner of my eye I check for any sort of discomfort.I haven’t been timing this little experiment, but judging from my game progress, at least twenty minutes must have passed by now.Maybe that’s his limit?
But instead of scooting away like I expect, he snuggles closer and rests his cheek on my shoulder.I can feel a hint of his facial hair through my shirt, which is a new feeling.Not that it’s an unwelcome feeling.I’ve just never cuddled with someone with facial hair before.Actually, even though I told Reid that platonic cuddling is completely normal, I’m just now realizing that I’ve never cuddled with a guy friend before.All of my platonic cuddling has been with girl friends.
