“No,” I say firmly.
“Are we moving too fast?”
“Yes,” I blurt out.Fuck.I didn’t mean to say that.I follow it up with a frantic, “No.Maybe.I don’t know.”
He simply looks at me for a moment, then leans in to brush a tender kiss to my forehead.“We can slow down.”
He shifts to sit up, but I clutch him closer.“No.”
“I’m confused.You said that you think we’re moving too fast, but you don’t want to slow down?”
“I know.I know I’m sending mixed signals.I’m sorry.”I squeeze my eyes shut again, willing my mind to slow down.
His hand is on my cheek again, grounding me.“You don’t have to apologize.I’m just trying to understand so I don’t mess this up.”
“You won’t.You’re fine, I promise,” I insist.“I think I just need a minute, but please stay here.”
“Okay, I’m not going anywhere.”His lips press to my forehead again, and I swear, I whimper.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
I attempt to focus on my breathing while Reid brushes his thumb across my cheek in soothing strokes.After a minute, my brain is quieter, so I let my eyes flutter open again.
“Okay, sorry,” I mutter, feeling the embarrassment course through me.
“Don’t apologize,” he says, more gently than I’ve ever heard him speak.“Just talk to me.What happened?”
“Well, um,” I stumble over my tongue, so I swallow and start over.“I was fine—better than fine.But then you kind of rolled your hips, and I felt you were—I guess,are…”
“Hard?”he supplies, surprisingly unfazed.
I feel my cheeks heat at his bluntness.“Yeah.”
“So are you,” he points out.
“Yeah, I know.But it reminded me of the morning we woke up together, and…” I groan.“I don’t know.”
“Are you worried I expect us to act on it?Because I don’t.”
“No,” I blurt.I know he wouldn’t unless I wanted to—unless we both wanted to.
“It’s a natural physical response.It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he assures me.
“I want it to, though,” I admit.“I want to act on it, I just… it kind of hit me suddenly that I don’t really know what I’m doing when it comes to being with another guy.”
“And that made you anxious?”he asks.
“Yeah.Sor—”
He muffles the rest of my apology with a kiss, and although I’m surprised, I melt into it.“Stop reflex apologizing,” he mumbles against my lips.
“What, or you’re going to kiss me again?”I tease.
“If I have to, yes,” he says, completely serious.“Would it help if I told you I also have very little physical experience with men?”
“You don’t?”I ask, unable to hide my disbelief.I haven’t seen him date since I moved in, but he said he’s known he was gay since high school, so I assumed…
He shakes his head.“I haven’t dated since I got my autism diagnosis.Once I started unmasking, it was hard to find someone who…” He trails off with a sigh, and shifts his gaze to my chin instead of my eyes.I’m desperate to know the end of that sentence, but I don’t want to push him.“Anyway, that means that all of my physical experience is from when I was a teenager—so basically making out and one really awkward attempt at giving a hand job.”
