We went through this every time. He’d chastise me for not reaching out like he’d always offered, and I’d play dumb, coming up with a shitty, sassy excuse. If I kept him at arm’s length, I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I wouldn’t have to wonder if I’d get too close, or too attached. I wouldn’t have to worry about bothering him while he was working or sleeping. I wouldn’t give myself any more opportunities to expose my soul to him, friend or not. “I haven’t had a reason to text or call. This phone in my hand is for social media scrolling only.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep. Didn’t you know? My service provider doesn’t offer anything but data. Weird, right?”
“That is pretty weird, Moon. Unbelievable, almost. You should upgrade to a better plan so I can text you and actually get a response. You know, like friends usually do.”
Rolling my eyes, I feigned indifference as I sipped through the straw in my drink. “Our definitions of friendship are very different, it seems.”
Emerson shook his head, sighing. “I know we joke and have fun or whatever it is we do when we talk here, but I’m being very honest and serious when I say I want you to reach out more. What did I tell you that day at your apartment? I mean, really, it’s been a week. I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well stop worrying that I will.”
Yeah, I’d believe that when I saw it. He kept showing up here at the bakery, but how much would be too much? It was natural, normal self-preservation. If Emerson talked constantly about being there for me, and suddenly he wasn’t when I really needed him? It would hurt. A lot. And I wasn’t sure I could handle any more hurt than I was already enduring. “Well, tell me about work. Is today your third day, and then you’re off, or are you doing four?”
“Very nice and subtle subject change there. Don’t think I didn’t notice. But to answer your question, this is my third, and I’ll be off for the next four. So, if you need me, I will be completely available. We could hang out or something.”
“I changed the subject. It isn’t fair to bring it back up.”
“I think it’s totally fair.”
“You’re wrong, Officer. How does it feel to be a lying police officer?”
He stared at me, saying “seriously?” without actually saying the words. His eyebrows had dropped, and his gaze was piercing. I could feel him looking through me, analyzing me from every angle. “I wouldn’t know, now would I? Tell me what your plans look like for the next couple of days so I can invade them. I’ll bring gifts of food to your apartment again if I need to.”
Getting to know someone completely new was weird. Emerson didn’t know me, or that I didn’t have any plans at all except checking in on my brothers constantly and looking for jobs hopelessly. He had no idea that I spent most of my time doing absolutely nothing. I didn’t have a hobby. I didn’t have alife. All I had was social media, my family, and the world that kept passing me by. “I see Crescent every day around this time. Otherwise, I’m pretty open.”
“Hm. I was meaning to ask a while back, but I was wondering what you did for work. I don’t want to invade your work commitments, either.”
Ah, yes. The other failing point of my life I’d just reminisced about. “Don’t worry, there’s no work to invade on. I’m currently unemployed. I’ve looked at and applied to just about every job three towns over.”
“Shit, I’ve heard the market is really bad right now.”
“It’s the truth. I can’t seem to find anything.”
“Maybe I could help with that.”
Oh, and what, depend on someone else to help me find something as basic as a job? “No, thanks. I’ve got it.”
He shrugged and picked up his coffee cup just as the radio on his vest started to sound. Some garbled words came through, and Emerson had frozen in motion to listen to them. When they stopped, he shot up from the booth. “I’ll see you around, Moon. Call me. Text me. I mean it!” He said the last few words as he was leaving the bakery, the door shutting behind him just as he finished.
When Crescent finally came out, we talked while he ate his lunch. I learned that Elio had officially sold his twelfth painting to someone local, this one a much bigger payout than the others. I’d also learned that Mom and Dad were taking a trip to somewhere much nicer than Heaton Springs in their newly fixed RV, the same one I’d driven to Lindenbergh to help Elio and Crescent move six months ago.
I hadn’t been able to even look at that big hunk of useless metal since that night. It’d been such a pain in the ass to park, and I hadn’t even gotten to haul any furniture with it. All I’dloaded up with me that night were the souls and sins of two horrible, evil people.
The one thing I cared about most was any update on Star. I thought maybe she’d start to come around, now that it’d been a full week, and I’d sent several apology messages. But no, Crescent said she was still upset and wary of speaking to me.
And then the worst part happened. Crescent suddenly got all serious and somber, his eyes turning downward. “I found someone else I think could help you. She seems really, really nice, and she specializes in trauma.”
“She?”
“Yeah. Her name is Sabrina; she does in-person and telehealth visits. Her office isn’t too far from my house. I think you’d like her.”
I already didn’t like her on principle. Another therapist—someone who would listen to my problems and pretend like she understood when, really, she couldn’t. There was no way in hell she could. “I’m alright, thanks.”
“Well, Mark recommended her, so I thought I’d give it a shot.”
“You’ve talked to your therapist about me?”
Crescent shook his head, then paused. “I mean, yeah, I’ve mentioned being worried about you and stuff. But I asked him for recommendations in the area if he had any. I didn’t specify it was for you or anything. He knows I’ve been checking out some local people in case the telehealth stops working for me.”
