It didn’t make any goddamn sense, and honestly, it felt kind of threatening. Crescent and Elio desperately wanted me to see a therapist, despite all of my protests against the idea. Mom and Dad always asked me how I was doing and never looked like they believed me when I said I was fine, so they’d just keep asking over and over. Nobody could take what I was saying for an answer, and I couldn’t explain what was happening in my brainbecause that would mean I’d have to spill all of my little secrets to them, which I absolutely wasn’t going to do.
I’d gone all these years without saying a word. I could hide it for longer. I didn’t want the pity party to follow me, or for the world to know just how fucking stupid I’d been as a teen. I couldn’t handle it. To have Emerson keep showing up like he was felt more like a bad omen than a reprieve. “Why do you care so much? I mean, okay, sure, you could notice I’m not doing so hot, but why do you care enough to try to do anything about it? It makes no sense.”
I heard his footsteps. I turned around, facing him as he stopped a few feet short of me. “Remember the brother I mentioned?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I saw the weight on him, too. I saw the emptiness in his eyes, the same as yours. I’ve seen it on dozens and dozens of people, and out of all of those people, I couldn’t help the one who mattered the most to me personally. Yes, I had to let him go on his own journey, take his own path, and I couldn’t change that, no matter how hard I tried. But that haunted look you have, Moon? I recognize it. I saw it in him, and I can’t just ignore it.” He hung his head, shaking it slightly. The towel fell to the floor as his grip loosened, but he made no move to pick it up. It was like he was stuck. In a memory, or in an emotion. Frozen in time. “Am I a bit more persistent with you than I would be with other people? Yeah, I can admit that. There’s just something about you, Moon. I want to be there for you. I want to be…” He trailed off, gesturing into thin air. “I guess I wanna be your friend or something. I don’t honestly know. I wanna be something to you, and I want that something to be more than the officer who questioned you on the worst night of your life.”
I was frozen too, listening to him. From how he spoke, I could only assume his brother was either dead or they didn’t talkanymore. I couldn’t imagine not having my brothers. They were everything to me. They were the reasons I got out of bed every day. My brothers and Star were the lights in my horrible, dark life, and the thought of them being taken away from me was far too painful.
Sighing, I waited until he looked back up, and I looked him right in the eye. “You keep showing up. For some reason, you keep showing up. You barely know me other than what was in my case file, yet you keep fucking showing up.”
“That’s the point I’m trying to make. I want to keep showing up for you. I want to be someone you can rely on and depend on. I want to be a part of your life, however you’ll allow me, but I can’t speak to the why or the motive behind it. There is no motive. I just know I want to.”
“I’m sorry about your brother.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole.”
“I forgive you.”
“You really want to be my friend?”
“If you’ll let me.”
“If we’re going to be friends, I won’t always be so depressing.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you were. True friends don’t come around just when you’re at your happiest. They sit with you in the dark so you won’t be alone.”
I’d never had a friend like that. Through all thirty years of my life, I’d never had a friend who was willing to sit with me where I was. The night with Jude and Sarah wasn’t the worst night of my life. No, it was a close second, but it wasn’t the worst. It was just another life-altering event that’d fucked me up severely.
The darkness had been my friend for so long, I didn’t know what light looked like. From where Emerson was standing, I noticed an out-of-place shine coming through the windows,beaming on him from behind. The sun had come out, and the rain had stopped.
Maybe he was the light. Maybe I had to take a chance. Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t such a bad idea. He’d shown up so far—maybe he’d do it again, and again, and again.
I walked to the kitchen, listening as Emerson’s footsteps followed behind me. I set the to-go box onto the counter and turned, nodding at him. “You won’t abandon me when shit gets really fucking hard?”
“No. I have my own hard days. If I have a hard day, I’ll still sit with you in the dark. But I won’t leave you there.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Friends it is, then.” I sighed, taking in the disarray of his clothes. He was still dripping wet, leaving a few spots on the floor. “Stay here. I think I might have some clothes that’ll fit you.” I wasn’t fully confident, and I rarely liked lending out clothes, but I knew I had some oversized stuff in my closet I could spare for him. Anything for a friend, I guess.
Somehow,Emerson had become a part of my daily routine. Over the past week, I’d finally somewhat gotten my shit together, and I could easily pretend like everything was fine. My cuts had all either scabbed over completely or were on their way to being fully healed. I’d successfully seen Crescent every single day for his lunch break, and I’d stopped by his house to visit with him and Elio both twice in the last seven days. A win was a win, if I had anything to say about it.
The only difference between now and how my days used to be was that I ran into Emerson, my new friend, every single day, as well. I’d started anticipating seeing him, getting excited about showing up early so he and I could talk for a bit.
I leaned my bike against the outside wall of Muffin Haven, just as I did every other normal day. I was twenty minutes early, rushing through the line so I could sit at my normal booth and pretend like I didn’t notice when Emerson walked in. I liked pretending I wasn’t eager to see him.
Right on time, he stood beside the booth’s table. “Hey, can I sit with you a minute?”
“Oh, hey, Emerson. Yeah, go ahead.”
He slid into the seat right in front of me, setting his coffee cup down. “I see you know how to use your phone quite well, yet you still have yet to text or call me.”
