Monqilcolnen frowned, but he didn’t remark on my formality. “What can I do for you?”
“I have been cleared medically to return to duty as of today.”
He looked down at the desk and cleared his throat. “Yes. I saw Qinlin’s report.”
“I would like to return to my work. I would also like to recommend Cadet Cencay for my position here.” The cadet would learn a lot serving Monqilcolnen.
“They would be a worthwhile replacement. They will need a considerable amount of training, since they are so young and inexperienced, but this is a cadet level job.”
Please don’t ask me to, I silently begged. I said, “This would be an excellent experience for Cencay.”
“It would, and I agree with your recommendation. I shall train them myself.”
I’d thought I would feel relieved by not having to train Cencay, but I didn’t. Instead, a hot, annoyed feeling surfaced at the thought of Cencay and Monqilcolnen spending so much time together, alone, all alone, which was utterly ridiculous.
“Am I excused?”
Monqilcolnen gave me a sad smile. “You are excused, Wyn.”
“Thank you, Commander.”
“Commander Monqilcolnen is so smart,” Cencay gushed from their bunk above mine. I fought a growl in the back of my throat at their warm tone. Every day for the last month, I’d heardnothing but how amazing Monqilcolnen was and how nice he was to them. It had begun to grate on my nerves. For some reason, I had the inexplicable desire to throttle them and keep them away from Monqilcolnen.
The matter wasn’t helped by my resuming training with him. I, of course, had to requalify for my blaster competency. I wasn’t getting any better, which I’d expected. Monqilcolnen had ignored me in each of the sessions, though perhaps ignore was the wrong word. He’d merely not shown me any special preference. Barely an acknowledgement of my presence. And he never tried to personally teach me or stand behind me and adjust my stance.
It was as if his interest in me had vanished now that I wasn’t working daily with him. Such a thing shouldn’t bother me, but it did. I wanted Monqilcolnen’s eyes on me, only me, and I never wanted him to look away. Somehow, my instincts demanded I be the sole object of Monqilcolnen’s focus. Me. Nothing else.
“He is just so…” Cencay trailed off.
“Smart,” I supplied with a growl. They had remarked on Monqilcolnen’s intelligence to the point I felt nauseous. I was well aware of how smart he was. I didn’t need this peppy cadet to tell me.
“Well, yes. I must say he is, but I was going to say…” Cencay flipped over so their head hung over the ledge. They wouldn’t quite meet my eye as they continued, “Attractive.”
Something feral rose from the pit of my gut. My wings attempted to flare, but they were trapped in my harness. My tail thrashed, and I had to grab the mat beneath me to stop from ripping Cencay off their bunk by their pink braids and snarling against their throat while threatening to remove their eyes.
“He is,” I finally said, my voice sounding like my mouth was full of grit.
They released a breathy moan that set my teeth on edge. Cencay whispered, “I know I shouldn’t, but I find him very attractive and cannot help myself.”
Mine, my instincts roared, and I swallowed it down before taking a soothing breath. I’d never experienced such an emotion before, and I was unsure of what to do with it. I was a seeker soul. While all drakcol were possessive to the point of sometimes being seen as overbearing, seeker souls weren’t known for being aggressive—that was the territory of warrior souls. But I’d never felt as I did in this moment; that if anyone was to charm the elusive commander, it should be me.
“Do you care for him?” I asked, trying to suppress my violent instincts and the visions of shredding Cencay to pieces.
“I don’t think so,” they replied. “I find him kind, attractive, and knowledgeable, but he doesn’t call to my soul as Camden did.” Cencay’s expression turned downcast, and tears gathered in their eyes. I did believe they had truly cared for Camden, but he was allowed to say no, and I didn’t see any fault in his rejection. Camden wasn’t a commodity and shouldn’t be treated as such.
I leaned back against my pillow, muscles unclenching. While I didn’t like Cencay finding Monqilcolnen attractive, I was soothed by the fact they didn’t want him as I apparently did.
“There’s nothing wrong in finding someone attractive,” I told them—I was supposed to be their mentor regardless of how I currently felt. “Even someone who is above your rank. It’s how you act that defines you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just because you find the commander or Camden attractive, you’re not justified in making them uncomfortable. If they don’t return your regards, leave them alone and stop pursuing them.”
Cencay dropped their head onto the edge of the mat. “I know this. My mothers have spoken to me about it, and with the commander, it’s easy to ignore my attraction because I have notrue interest. Camden is another matter. I want him still, but I’ve left him alone.”
My eyes closed. This I understood. The almost-kiss replayed in my mind on a loop. Sometimes I dreamed about Monqilcolnen’s mouth on mine, followed by him fucking me. I wanted it. I could not believe I did, but I did. However, Monqilcolnen didn’t appear to desire me the same way anymore. It had been a passing lust that had vanished when we were no longer in each other’s presence.
“It can be hard,” I finally replied, “but you must let him go.”
