“We haven’t been together long, Peace, and I didn’t wish to upset you.”
Wyn shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
I frowned.
“I don’t remember this, Monqilcolnen, but I would’ve been thrilled if you’d chased after me, told me who you were and what you knew. I was so alone.”
I closed my eyes as I tried to articulate my thought process from way back then. “I wanted to. So badly. I looked you up. I stared at you so many times, telling myself to simply introduce myself and see where it went. I even thought of appealing to the Crystal to check if you were my soulmate.”
“Why didn’t you?” he demanded, crossing his arms.
“Your age.”
“I was an adult, Monqilcolnen.”
“Indeed, just an adult. Fifteen,” I replied, running my fingers down his braid. “But I knew my greater age and station would be an unfair power balance. You would have given up everything for me, Wyn. Wouldn’t you have?”
He looked away.
“Just like you planned to when we talked about me becoming captain. Back then, you would have sacrificed yourself. No academy, no dreams, no projects. Nothing.”
“Not nothing. I would’ve had you,” he snapped.
I held him close. My inner fire might have said “not yet,” but the choice had ended with me. It had been my decision. “You have me now.”
“I could have had you then,” he replied, waving a hand and his tail thrashing. “I wouldn’t have been alone.”
“You’re right, but you might have resented me later. We’ll never know, but, Wyn, you needed a chance to live. A chance that wasn’t within my shadow or forced to follow me. I am so much older than you.”
“It wasn’t your decision to make.”
I offered my throat in concession, but I did not and would not regret the decision I’d made. I had protected Wyn. I would always protect him.
“Why didn’t you tell me three cycles ago on theAdmiral Ven?” he demanded.
“Because you were so terrified of me. I wanted to, though. I wanted to see what we would mean together. My inner fire said ‘not yet,’ just as it had when I met you, but in the end, I didn’t pursue you because you fled whenever I so much as looked at you.”
“You kept telling that story of me puking.”
That had blown up in my face. “Urgg once said vomit bonded people. I wanted to link our names together. I was claiming you in a small way. That’s why I told it so much. Also, it was the only story I could tell of us. The only one I had the right to share.”
Wyn shook his head. “Urgg is always right.”
I chuckled, pulling him close for a kiss, but he turned his face.
He pushed off my lap, and I released him. “I need time, Monqilcolnen.”
“I understand.”
Wyn gave me the stylus, and I returned it to its stand. He stared at me for a moment. “I’m not mad. I just…” He shook his head.
“I am not going anywhere, Peace.”
Wyn didn’t say anything more before he rushed out.
“Oh, my Peace, please return to my arms soon.”
Chapter 39
