He has to.
Each song that ends takes a little more of me with it. He comes close more than once, almost close enough to touch, but our eyes only meet for a second. At least, I think they do. I hope they do. It passes so quickly I’m not sure if it was real or not, and then I find myself lost in another melody.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Build, break, rot.
Chapter Three:
Static
Bash
After another successful show, my hands shake with adrenaline until I take a hot shower.
It’s my routine after every performance, and usually no one bothers me until I’m ready to come out. They know better. So when someone knocks on my trailer door before I can fully dress, I immediately feel off-kilter. “What?”
“You’ve been in there over an hour. Sidney is about to have a heart attack because he’s convinced you died, but he doesn’t have the balls to come check.”
An hour? I glance at my phone and see Yasmin isn’t exaggerating at all. Where the fuck was my mind at? I know I was kind of in a daze when I walked over here, and I thought it was because I needed to jack off, but I didn’t touch myself for even a second. That girl in the crowd threw me off again, and if I’m not fixated on a fan because I’m horny, why else would I be? Yes, she’s drop dead gorgeous, but I see beautiful people every day. Why is it her eyes seem to haunt me?
“And we all knowyoudo,” I joke to keep my thoughts from spiraling anymore than they already are. Tugging on a hoodie, I wrench open the door to give her a wide, fake grin. “Where is he?”
“Right here.”
She steps aside so Sidney’s grumpy ass can take her place, but the relief on his face is worth it.
I might think he actually cared about me if keeping me alive wasn’t paying his bills.
“You’ve been off the last few days, Bash. What’s going on?”
“Where’s everyone at? Are we partying or what?” I’m well aware I’m avoiding his question, but I’d like a drink before I admit I’m lusting about a fan.
If that’s even what it is.
“Would you let me live to see the sunrise if we weren’t?” he mutters. “There’s a club about a block from here that I reserved. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, let’s go.” But Yasmin grabs my arm when I try to step past her, and glances pointedly at my feet. I didn’t even bother putting shoes on. “Fucking hell. Maybe I am dying.”
My joke doesn’t land. They both stare at me blank-faced as I slip on my Converse like they’re convinced I’m losing my mind. Maybe I am. Maybe I wasn’t ready to tour.
As we make our way to the club, I try to ask myself what’s really going on and come up blank. I was excited to share this EP with the world after TikTok got ahold of it. We gained a hell of a lot of new fans, and the team let us put a nice blend of our older albums in the setlist. I wanted this tour, so that isn’t it.
In all reality, I was perfectly fine until I locked eyes with that fan, and for some strange reason it doesn’t feel like she’s real. Almost as if she’s haunting me.
I saw her at the first show as it ended, and people follow us on tour all the time, so her being at both isn’t completelyout of the ordinary — especially when the concerts are in neighboring towns.
The only weird part about any of this is me... so I’ll drink until it all feels normal again.
An hour later, I’m good and buzzed. The VIP room we’re in is filled with all the people that make touring possible, and when Sidney comes to sit next to me, I know he’s going to ask me what’s wrong again. So I beat him to it. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m fine, are you fine? You’re... frowny.”
“Jonah is... well, being Jonah. Yasmin roasted me within an inch of my life and when I asked what Levi was drinking, he pried my mouth open and spit it on my tongue. I’m fucking great.”
A laugh bubbles out of me before I can stop it. “Oh, we’re pretending you didn’t like it? Got it.” His gaze narrows, and I try to save it before he walks away. I see the way he looks at Levi, but I also know he’d never act on how he feels or admit it, so it’s not my place to throw him under the bus. “I’m joking. Do you want me to go hide his lucky drumstick? It can be our little secret.”
Sidney hesitates, then nods. “Actually yeah, but only after you tell me what’s going on.”
Sighing, I take another drink to stall and then roll my eyes when Levi plops his ass down next to me to join in the conversation. Whatever.
