Bash reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, handing it over a second later with his DM’s open. “Read some. Any of them. It really doesn’t matter, because they haven’t fucking stopped since that interview.”
I don’t care what they’re saying, they weren’t there. It infuriates me that so fucking many people decided to use this as an in with him, but from the few I’m looking at, none of them have the details right.
“And it doesn’t matter at all to you that I’m the only one who can tell you what really happened?”
“The only one is a stretch,” he argues. “There’s bits and pieces of the story sprinkled around me, and someone was bound to put them all together right someday.” He lifts a bite of food up to his lips, but immediately tosses it back down before leaning in close enough for me to smell the booze. “You didn’t have to do this, y’know? You had me just the way you were.”
Somehow that makes this even worse. “Because I’m exactly who I say I am. If you don’t believe me, look me up. My last name is Barclay. There are half a dozen documentaries about my life, three books, and a fucking podcast with more on the way. I don’t need your fame, I don’t need your money, and I definitely don’t need you to get me off, however fun it was. Tellme, how exactly can I use you when I don’t need anything you have?”
My response only seems to anger him further, and he shoves his plate away. “If I have nothing you need why the fuck are you here?”
“Bash,” Sidney says, his tone a warning that has me looking around to see everyone watching us. “Maybe you two can come talk outside?”
Without a word, Bash stands so abruptly his chair falls, and then he disappears out the door without a look back.
I should just go. He’s never going to believe me, and even if he’s telling the truth and I had him without any of this, it doesn’t matter. It’s my life, it always would’ve come back to this.
Standing, I flip off the fan across from me as she giggles behind her napkin. “Laugh all you want. It won’t make you any prettier.”
I barely feel my feet hitting the floor as I follow him outside and find him pacing. “I told you already, Bash. I just wanted to say fucking thank you. I didn’t expect any of this to happen.”
Rounding on me, he closes the distance until there’s hardly any space between us. “You already thanked me, Alaina. Now where do we go from here?”
He’s so angry, but he’s staring at me like he’s seconds away from kissing me. I’m not sure that’s any better.
But the question is valid. Where do we go from here? He’s not exactly accepting my gratitude because he doesn’t believe me, and I’m not about to keep beating a dead horse. I can’t handle seeing him like this.
“We go nowhere, I guess. I leave and go home, and you get another fun anecdotal story to tell about the crazy bitch who broke into your trailer and crashed a meet and greet. If this is really who you are now, I’m not sure I want any part of it anyway.”
The flinch that causes is barely visible, but I see it. I feel it. “Yup. Just a piece of shit rockstar like the rest of ‘em. Sorry to disappoint. Good thing you don’t need me.” He tucks a strand of stray hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead. “I learned my lesson though, this story will stay here.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I whisper, but that brief little moment ofvulnerability is about to send me into a fucking spiral. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes again, mourning the bullshit fairytale I had in my head that will never come to pass because I’m an idiot. “You’re a lot of things, but you’re not a piece of shit. I’m sorry for everything, Bash. You won’t hear from me again.”
Trembling, I turn away from him to leave, but he grabs my wrist and tugs me back for a kiss that feels more like a punishment than a goodbye, his other hand gripping my throat as he deepens it.
I get lost there for longer than I’d like to admit.
Breaking it, I take a step back. “Who exactly was using who, again?”
He opens his mouth to argue, but Sidney pokes his nosey fucking head out of the door. “Bash, you’re needed in here. I’m sorry.”
I use the distraction to step back and then slip away entirely as tears freefall down my cheeks. The wall I’ve built is broken once again, and this time, it was the last person on earth I expected it to be.
Maybe this time I should just let myself rot.
Chapter Twelve:
Almost Ecstasy
Bash
I watch her go feeling all sorts of fucked up, but I don’t stop her again. I shouldn’t have kissed her, that was messed up even for me, and when I turn back towards Sidney I know he can see how much I just want to disappear. “Needed for what?”
It’s a dumb question. The fans in there paid a fuck ton of money to have dinner with us, and so far, I’ve been completely MIA. I don’t have time for a pity party.
”I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I tried to stall, but their time is running out. Do youwant me to invite Miss Barclay to the after party?”
Scoffing, I begrudgingly start walking back to the restaurant. “I don’t think we’ll see her again.”
