“That’s bullshit, man,” King said quietly. “Near as good or better than anyone on this team.” That was more words than the man usually spoke in an entireday.
“And it’s not your fault about Dawson and Quantum,” Juarez chimed in, his slight Hispanic accent rolling his words together, which tended to happen when he got emotional. “It’s none of our fault. We were tricked, and then we wereused.”
“Yeah, we were altered without our consent, but I should’ve done something. I should’ve found a way,” Diggssaid.
“You couldn’t,” Reapersaid.
“No excuse,” Diggs answered bitterly. “If it had been you, not me, you would have found a way. You would’ve driven yourself across the floor and broken one of the bastard’s ankles so he couldn’t get up. Not me. I just laid there and watched ithappen.”
“They dosed you up so heavy you couldn’t have moved your pinky if you wantedto.”
“And how would youknow?”
“Because Melissa told me. Dr. Winters was so busy, trying to get her hands on Dawson’s body so she could study his brain, that she’d sent Melissa to bring you back from the brink that night.” Reaper turned and faced him, letting Diggs see every ounce of truth in hisface.
“She wasn’t there. No one else was in there.” Were they? All he could remember was watching Dawson twitch his last and stop moving. Watching Quantum seize and foam at the mouth. Blood dripping from his nose and hisears.
“You didn’t know because you were so out of it. You nearly had a brain aneurysm, and would have if she hadn’t treated you so quickly. I don’t even know how you were conscious to see what happened to Dawson and Quantum, but the fact that you were is a testament to the strength inside you.” Reaper’s voice started to shake and Diggs felt himself tremble in response. “There’s not a man on this team stronger than you. If I would’ve been there, if I would’ve seen it happen, I would’ve given up and let the drugs takeme.”
It felt as though the very earth was shaking inside his soul. Reaper was talking but his words just couldn’t sink in, his guilt was too strong. A palpable living monster that had taken up residence inside him. “No, you would’ve savedthem.”
Reaper took a step closer, closing the gap between them. “No, brother, I wouldn’t have. I honestly don’t know how you did, but I’m damn proud to have you on my team. And even though you do some stupid shit sometimes that really pisses me the fuck off, I wouldn’t trade you in foranyone.”
Diggs couldn’t do anything but stand there. Reaper had never said anything like that to him before. Diggs couldn’t call him out on it either. He wasn’t joking or even being an asshole. The burning intensity in Reaper’s gaze was nothing but 100 percent serioustruth.
Hicks came to stand beside Reaper, and before long so did the rest of the team. But it was Hicks who spoke next, breaking the tense silence as Diggs fought the battle inside that Reaper’s words hadbegun.
“I’m sorry you didn’t tell us sooner, and you’ve been carrying that shit around this whole time. He’s right. There’s nothing you could have done. Dawson was a dead man the moment he signed up for that operation, and Quantum was living on borrowedtime. “
“Hell, we all are,” King saidquietly.
Diggs replayed the scene from that night in his mind again. The smell of the dirty tile floor in his nose. The coppery taste of blood in his mouth. Dawson’s lastbreath.
He’d tried to move; he’d tried to lift his arm, but it was like his mind was still working but his body was shut off. He’d been in so much pain, he’d barely been able to hold his eyesopen.
Could he have doneanything?
“No one here blames you but yourself,” Reaper said. “And I’ve let you go on thinking that shit longenough.”
“And I’m beginning to wonder if your super enhancement is in dealing with mean-ass harpies,” Hicks said in a sarcastic tone that sounded way morenormal.
“Huh?” What the hell was he talking aboutnow?
Hicks crossed his arms and grunted, arching a thick dark brow as if Diggs was the crazy one here. “The redhead with the dog. That’s one scary chick, dude. I was cringing at theend.”
Juarez kicked an invisible stone on the floor, shifting from foot to foot. “Yeah, but you handled her like apro.”
Diggs dropped his brows in confusion, craning his head back trying to figure out what they were talking about. “She was scared, man. Could you not smellit?”
Instead of laughing, Hicks got quiet, Juarez stopped shuffling his feet, and everyone stared athim.
“What?”
“You could smell her fear?” Reapersaid.
“It was impossible not to, it was practically coming out of her pores. You really didn’t smellit?”
One by one every man on his team slowly shook their headsno.
