My mouth opens to speak, but the words fail. I feel like I’m choking on all the emotions swirling inside me. I feel like I’m drowning.
“I’m not good, Reuben,” I say, the words finally breaking free. “I have a son, Reuben. A son.”
There’s a beat of silence before I hear Asher, in his usual laid-back way, mutter, “Shit, man. She told him.”
I turn on him, unable to hold back. “How could you keep this from me? How could you let me go all these years without knowing?”
Reuben stands up slowly, his hands out in a gesture of calm. “Cole, it wasn’t our place to tell you,” he says quietly. “You needed to hear it from Kenna. It was her decision, not ours.”
I’m shaking, and I can’t tell if it’s from anger or disbelief. The room is spinning again, but this time it’s not from alcohol. “You allknew,” I growl. “You knew. Even though you knew about my son, you didn’t tell me about him.”
Asher, who’s usually the first to crack a joke, is unusually quiet. He’s looking down at the bar now, avoiding my gaze. I can feel the tension in the air.
Josh, who’s been silent until now, pipes up. “Man, I knew Cohen was related to Reuben. I didn’t know he was your son.” He shrugs, his face scrunching up in confusion. “It makes sense now, though. I always wondered why Cohen and Kenna were so close.”
His words cut through me like a knife in my chest. Cohen and Kenna have been close all this time, and I’ve been so fucking blind. I’ve missed everything.
Missed birthdays. Missed tears. I missed skinned knees, school photos, and those bedtimes.
All of it—every memory, every milestone—I wasn’t there. Not even on the bad days. Not for the days he cried out for someone to hold him. I wasn’t even a name on his lips.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down, but my chest is tight. “How could I not know?” I whisper. “How could I have been so stupid?”
Reuben’s eyes soften. “You weren’t stupid, man. You were just…lost. And that’s not your fault. But Kenna needed to be the one to tell you. She needed to figure out when the right time was.”
I shake my head, biting back the bitterness bubbling up. “When was the right time ?” I snap. “She hadyears, Reuben. Years to tell me. She let me go on thinking there was nothing left to come back to.”
“Becauseyoutold her not to,” Asher cuts in, his voice firmer than usual. He finally meets my eyes. “You thinkshe didn’t try? Cole, she called. She wrote. Hell, she came to visit you that first year. You remember that?”
I freeze. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
“You refused her,” Reuben adds quietly. “Every time. You shut her down before she could say a damn word.”
My stomach turns. “No, I—” I stop. I remember. The pain, the shame, the desperate need to disconnect from everything that reminded me of what I lost. And she reminded me ofeverything.
“You pushed her away,” Asher continues, not unkindly, but not letting me off the hook either. “Every call she made, every time she asked to see you…you told the prison staff to turn her away. You told us to tell her to leave you the hell alone. You made it very clear you didn’t want contact.”
I stumble back a step, like the weight of that truth just landed right on my chest.
Reuben sighs, running a hand over his face. “Man, she tried. Harder than anyone should’ve had to. But after a while, what was she supposed to do? You were in there, acting like she was the reason your life went to shit. Like you didn’t want her anymore.”
“She stopped showing up,” I murmur, remembering the absence but not the reason. “I thought she gave up.”
Gabriel shakes his head slowly. “She didn’t give up, Cole. You made it impossible for her to keep trying. And then when Cohen came along…”
“She protected him,” Reuben finishes. “From all of it. From the pain. From the weight of a father who didn’t want to be reached.”
I stand there for a second, trying to digest this, but it’s not working. It doesn’t make sense. I should’ve been there. I should’ve been the one to see my son grow up. Not Reuben. Not anyone else.
But I wasn’t.
The regret is suffocating.
“Look, man,” Reuben says, his voice steady. “I’m not saying it’s easy. Hell, it’s a hell of a lot harder than any of us expected, butyou’ve got to know something about Cohen. He’s a great kid. He’s got a good heart, and Kenna has done an amazing job raising him. You’re lucky to have him, Cole.”
Lucky? I’m supposed to be lucky?
I swallow hard, trying to stop the tears that threaten to spill over.
