“Yeah,” I say, my voice quieter than I intend. “I’ll text her. I just…I don’t know. I’ve been distracted, man.”
Reuben raises an eyebrow, like he can see straight through my bullshit. “Don’t pull that with me, Cole. I know what’s going on with you. You’re here, but your mind’s elsewhere. Just…go talk to her. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”
He claps me on the shoulder, but there’s a seriousness to his tone that makes me realize how much I’ve been failing her tonight. Failing us.
“I’ll do that,” I say, nodding slowly, my fingers tightening around the bottle in my hand.
As he walks away, I stare at the floor, unsure how I ended up in this mess of people and noise. All I wanted was one night to breathe. But breathing without her? It feels more like suffocation.
I don’t wait long before I excuse myself from the crowd. The night feels like it’s moving in slow motion, like everything is just passing by as I make my way to the corner of the room to send her a message. It’s almost painful how much I miss her, how much I just want to be with her instead of here, surrounded by people who don’t even know what matters.
I pull out my phone and type a simple message.
Me
Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you. Hope you’re having a good night with your sisters. I’ll see you soon.
I send it before I can overthink it.
But before I can even check if she’s replied, a few girls make their way over to me. Their interest is obvious. They know I’m with Kenna, but I guess that’s not stopping them.
One of them, a girl with bleached blonde hair and a short skirt, flashes me a smile. “Hey, Cole,” she says, her voice teasing. “Where’s your girl tonight? We were thinking we could show you a better time than she could.”
I can already feel my patience slipping. I don’t have time for this. Not tonight.
I hold up a hand, cutting her off. “My girl is at home,” I say firmly. “And I don’t need anyone else. I’m not interested.”
The girl laughs, but there’s no humor in it. She doesn’t take me seriously, but I’m not backing down.
“No one’s here, right?” She says with a wink. “Your girl’s not around. It’s just us. What’s the harm in having a little fun?”
I can feel my jaw clenching. The urge to snap at her is strong, but I hold it in. Kenna’s all that matters right now. “I love Kenna,” I say, my voice cold. “And I would never cheat on her. So, with all due respect, you can walk away now.”
The girl rolls her eyes, clearly not expecting me to stand my ground. But she backs off anyway, and for the first time tonight, I feel like I’m finally in control.
But it’s a fragile control. Like holding back a dam that’s already started to crack.
The night wears on.
And with every drink, every laugh, every cheer from the crowd, I feel like I’m drifting further and further from who I used to be.
There’s this voice in the back of my head, low and persistent, whispering,You don’t belong here. You don’t want this.But I ignore it, pouring another drink, letting the alcohol smooth the edges of my regret.
Eventually, the night feels like it’s dragging, like I’m caught ina fog I can’t escape. Reuben’s words keep echoing in my head. I can’t keep pretending this is all okay.
I take another drink, but it doesn’t make me feel better. Just more numb.
Even so, all I can think about is her. I can almost hear her laugh, see her smile in my head like a beacon, pulling me back to reality.
I can almost hear her laugh over the music—a sound that doesn’t belong here, something too soft, too good for this place. I close my eyes for a second, trying to hold on to that image of her. She’s at home, probably curled up with a blanket, her sisters all around her, and I’m here—drowning in noise and alcohol and the slow unraveling of something I didn’t realize I was destroying.
Eventually, Jackson finds me again.
“Hey, man, you good?” Jackson, my friend, calls out, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I look over at him, and for a second, I forget everything that’s weighing me down. Jackson’s always been there. He’s my guy, the one who’s kept me grounded. But even in this crowd, with the music blaring and the energy buzzing, I know I’m not really here. Not fully. Not when Kenna’s waiting for me.
“I’m good,” I say, though the words feel hollow. “Just thinking about some stuff.”
