‘They were just for him, nobody else. But when we broke up – which was quite acrimonious – those photos ended up all over the internet. Chad will never admit that he leaked them; everyone thinks it was a hacker, but I know it was him. He’s a vindictive man, and it’s exactly the sort of stunt he would pull, having the money to pay anyone to do it and keep it on the quiet. Either way, I am utterly ashamed of those photos being out there and when you made that comment about me being nude on the whisky bottle, it brought it all back. I figured that you were teasing me about it. That you’d googled me.’
Jamie was silent. Alicia couldn’t bear to look at him and see the change on his face. Hot stinging tears marched their way along her tear ducts, like an army of saltwater ants. Her hand trembled.
‘Hey,’ he whispered.
She looked at him and found that his expression bore nothing but compassion.
‘I had no idea,’ he said. ‘I didn’t google you, and if I had known, I certainly wouldn’t be teasing you about it. That’s an awful thing to happen to anyone. Alicia, I’m so sorry.’
He was calling her Alicia again. So long intimacy. Back to formality. Her hopes were cracking like broken ice.
‘I’m so ashamed, Jamie, but there is nothing I can do about those photos. They will always be out there. What Icancontrol is not being around people who judge me for them and accepting that some men will not want to be with me because of them. So, I understand that you may see me differently, which means we won’t see each otheranymore. Or you think something else of me, in which case I also can’t see you. Do you see why it’s a dilemma for me?’
The lines on Jamie’s face became trenches of intense concern which were impossible to read.
‘Aye, I understand your dilemma,’ he said. ‘But I can assure you of several things. First, I haven’t seen or even heard about the photos. I didn’t know who you were when I met you, and I didn’t go googling you the minute I found out. I could have done, but why would I? I have you right here. I could ask you anything about yourself and get the truth straight from the horse’s mouth. Same goes for photos. Anything I need to see is right in front of me. You’re blindingly beautiful in the flesh; why on earth would I look at you on the internet? Second, if you took nudes and sent them to your ex…well, I will admit to being exceptionally jealous of the guy, but only because he got to be with you first, had you as his girlfriend and I don’t. If you sent him photos, then that’s between you and him. Or it should have been. I can tell you’re ashamed, but you’ve nothing to be ashamed of. If I’m honest, all I want to do right now is knock Chad Bradbury’s block off. What a shitty thing to do to someone. It must have been so hard for you, especially if you came all the way to remotest Scotland to escape the fallout.’
If Alicia had been asked to script a perfect response to her revelation, Jamie’s would be it. Truly he was exceptional. His words soothed and there was no doubt of his sincerity. But she had to tell him more.
‘There was other stuff too. A video of me supposedly off my face on drugs, which I do not do – Chad may have spiked my drink that night. He’s gone all out to ruin my reputation, and it’s worked. My career as a model or actressis in ruins and it’s his doing.’ Tears lumbered like clumsy raindrops onto Alicia’s lap.
‘Hey.’ Jamie shuffled along the couch. ‘Come here.’ He put his arm around her, pulled her to him, and tenderly kissed her head. ‘I’m sure your career isn’t in ruins. You’re incredible, Alicia. You could do anything you wanted. Women bounce back from these scandals all the time. I realise there’s a long way to go but the world is waking up to the ills of some powerful men. This does not mean the end for you. Not if you don’t want it to.’
With the back of her hand, Alicia swiped her eyes. Jamie was probably right; it was just so hard to believe right now.
‘Do you want to rebuild your acting or modelling career?’ He asked astutely.
And this was the million-dollar question. Having her contract terminated was galling but the plates of her world had shifted now. Showbusiness had bared its teeth at her and she could never unsee that side of it, never think they couldn’t turn on you on a dime, even if you were a Donoghue. ‘You know what? I’m not sure anymore,’ she admitted. ‘I came here to paint and to get back to what I truly love. Being here has been so calming and centring that it makes me want to forget acting and modelling again and focus on my art.’
‘Well, maybe that’s your answer. Maybe – if you can afford to – you go back to LA and paint. It sounds like that’s your true passion. And it’s where your family is.’
Alicia nodded and dabbed away another tear. Jamie was right. About the painting and her family. But how she wished he would tell her he wanted her to stay in Scotland with him. Her heart was well and truly moving its belongingsinto Jamie’s country, even if she physically was unable to.
Then, as if reading her mind, Jamie asked the question which had, over the past two days of being with him, moved to top of the pile of important questions.
‘Do you want to go back to LA, Alicia?’
Reflexively, the truth fell from Alicia’s lips. ‘No. I’ve never been so happy since being cocooned in this hotel with you. I know it’s not reality, but it’s the truth.’
Jamie removed his arm and inched back on the couch. Oh, what had she said?
‘Do you mean that?’
‘What?’
‘That you’ve never been happier since being stuck here with me?’
‘Of course. It’s been heaven.’
‘It’s been heaven for me too.’ His eyes glinted with indefinable emotion. Alicia hoped he might be about to say something monumental, something that would both melt her heart and make it spring through the air like a dashing reindeer. Something like stay in Scotland with me, or let’s buy a little cottage down the hill and live there together forever. These thoughts were far-fetched and ridiculous. She met Jamie two days ago, no way would his mind be working at such a fast pace. It was the romantic setting, the snow and all the cosy wintery things making her feel like life could be like this all the time. It couldn’t. Holiday romances ended and were best left that way. And that, no doubt, was what he was about to say.
But Jamie said nothing more. Instead he scooped her onto his lap. She draped her arm over his bear-like shoulder, the faint citrusy scent rippling comfort through her. His other hand sat secure on her waist as he kissed her. Shewould accept this kiss in place of words; Jamie’s kisses soothed everything. He knew when to make them hungry and when to keep them gentle and tender. Today he was tender with her, soothing her hurt with his acceptance and understanding.
‘You’re lovely, Alicia,’ he told her. ‘You’re beautiful and you’re smart and you’re insanely talented, and you deserve good things to happen to you. I hope with everything I have that they do.’
They already are, thought Alicia.Right here with you.
Chapter 22
