And everything went white and still.
Chapter 36
Cherry
Cherry turned the key in the mortice lock of her Bruntsfield garden flat and listened for the reassuring clunk that always made her feel safe in the historical solidity of Edinburgh.
Today, it sounded like the empty sound of a key turning in a lock mechanism.
As she strolled onto the Meadows and across to the coffee shops of Quartermile, the cool autumn air was a refreshing balm. The view of Arthur’s Seat – the emerald-green extinct volcano which rose majestically across the skyline – invigorated her. Edinburgh was a city that sat cheek by jowl with nature.
But the truth was, even in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, after Kinshore it felt bleak and lonely. Without Sean, she was like one of the trees on the Meadows with their leaves falling off. In a month or so, they’d be completely bare.
It was a short walk in the other direction to the casino where Cherry had joined the poker tables in the evenings. Her presence turned a few knowing heads, but she’dfocused on the game and walked away in the green every night. Ultimately, though, it was depressing to be surrounded by strangers – men, mostly –some hiding from their wives, some posturing and losing, some tech students avoiding sweating away in a bar or a restaurant for minimum wage. And, every night, she journeyed home in the low September light with an emptiness inside that couldn’t even be filled by a large serving of chips from the fish bar – even if they were piping hot, salty, vinegary deliciousness.
The answer to whether she was still a party poker queen was that she could be if she wanted to, but it simply wasn’t her priority anymore.
At the door of the coffee shop, time slowed down as Cherry spotted Kirsty inside. Buggy next to her, wriggling toddler on the neighbouring seat.
And the bump.
It was barely noticeable, but she knew it was there so sought it out as if to prepare herself. She could walk away now. Not have to put herself through the pain of hearing about the ups and downs of being a mum. Because it wasn’t only hearing about the ups that was hard.It was all hard.The thing about wanting it so much was that you wanted the bad stuff too. You wanted the whole package, no matter what people told you.
But this was one of her oldest friends, waiting to meet her. She couldn’t ghost her.
Cherry took a deep breath and opened the door.
It was like slipping into an old pair of shoes. Conversation came so easily, and Kirsty was more interested in hearing about Cherry’s life than talking about herself.But Cherry found that she wanted to know about her friend.
‘So how is Marty?’ she asked of Kirsty’s husband.
‘Oh... I forgot you don’t know.’ Kirsty handed a plushie duck to her daughter. ‘Marty and I broke up.’
‘What? When? Why?’
‘He left me about a year and a half ago for one of the teachers at Kallie’s nursery. She’s twenty-six. It’s tragic. For her.’ Kirsty laughed.
‘Oh, Kirsty, I’m so sorry. What a loser.’
‘It’s fine. I’m over it. He’s a dick, and I’m well shot of him. I’ve a new man now. Well, an old man, actually. Joe McNeill, the one from uni who got away, and father of this little one.’ She curved her palm over her bump.
‘Oh my goodness! I remember Joe. You guys reunited. That’s incredible.’
‘Yes, if I’m honest, I thought about him a fair bit over the years, always regretted letting him go. And turns out he thought about me too. Although we have a spanner in the works, in that he’s just been given a diagnosis of MS. This time next year, life is going to be a lot harder. We’re currently trying to put some reinforcements in place to prepare.’
Cherry was truly saddened by Joe’s illness, but two things struck her about Kirsty’s situation. The regret she talked of about letting the love of her life slip away. And her attitude to the future. She was planning, not running. She and Joe were in things together.
Cherry rubbed at her wedding ring.‘No one knows what’s in the future, good or bad.’Those were Sean’s words.
‘Tell me about your husband,’ Kirsty said. ‘I want to know everything.’
‘Well…’ Cherry sipped her hot chocolate. ‘His name’s Sean, he makes whisky barrels, his family owns Butler’s Whisky, he’s tall, handsome and hilarious, and I love the pants off him, which might be why I married him after two days.’
‘Oh my God, Cherry. Listen to you; look at you. You’re glowing.’
‘Sorry, sorry. I’m like one of those lovesick idiots.’
‘No, no, it’s wonderful. I don’t mean “listen to you” in a bad way. I mean, how amazing that you’ve found this. Who finds that? Not everyone. You’re so lucky and so deserving.’
