No matter what Bardil says… I'll just be honest with him. There's no point in drawing this out. Today is the day he has to make a choice because I can't handle this stress anymore.
The nurse peeks in through the door and smiles at me. I smile tightly back, and she steps away, and Bardil walks into the room, closing the door behind himself. His face is stern and tight with worry or anger. It's hard to read.
"Nikita, are you ok?" he asks, stepping up to the side of my bed.
I nod.
"You and… is everything ok?" he asks, clenching his jaw afterward.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you," I blurt out.
His face softens. My heart is racing with nervous fear. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to think that that was why I wanted to be with you. I meant it when I said I love you, Bardil and I didn't want you to choose me out of guilt or obligation to be a father to the child we created. I thought if I gave you time to choose me before you knew… Then I would know. I wouldn't have to worry that you did it because you thought you had to. It wasn't how I wanted you to find out."
I take a deep breath and tear my eyes off his gorgeous face.
He doesn't say anything, but he's still looking at me.
After a long moment, he finally speaks.
"Let's pretend I don't know. Why don't you tell me now… however, you would have told me before."
I sigh and nod. "Ok," I say. "I'm pregnant with your baby. I am keeping the baby. I am going to be an amazing mother. I didn't tell you before because I didn't want you to think that it was the reason I was telling you I love you. The facts are the facts. I love you no matter what. If I had lost the baby today, I would still be in love with you. Plain and simple. However, I will walk away if that is what you want. If you want nothing to do with our child or me, I accept that. Or if you want to only be in the child's life, and not mine… I accept that too. But I have to ask you to make the decision today because I can't do this anymore, Bardil. I need to think about the baby now, and my stress levels."
He takes a long, slow breath and reaches out to thread his fingers through mine. He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses the back of my hand.Is he saying goodbye?
"Little rabbit, I thought I lost you yesterday. I can't even describe the fear I felt. Fear so intense I didn't even know it was possible. And it was all at the idea of losing you. I have loved you for a while now, but I was too scared, too weak maybe? … to tell you. Maybe even too scared to admit it to myself, but I felt it. And now that I'm not trying to hide from it I feel it a hundred times stronger than before and growing."
He moves closer, cupping his hand over my cheek. "My beautiful, sweet little rabbit. My princess. I never want to go a day in this life without seeing your face and holding you in my arms. I never want to wake a single morning and not have you by my side. I love you more than life itself. More than the air I breathe. I love you more than anything on this entireastral plane." He grins, his eyes glittering with mischief. Playful, flooded with emotion and full of love.
"The whole astral plane?" I whisper, trying not to cry from happiness.
"The whole damn thing," he laughs, gently pulling me into his arms and hugging me against his chest. His heart beats against my body, and I cry tears of happiness that soak into his shirt.
When he moves away to look at me, I can't believe how lucky I am that everything worked out exactly how I dreamed and hoped for.
He wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "The nurse said that you are allowed to go home in a few hours. They just want to wait until the drip is finished to be sure you have enough fluids and vitamins."
"Did she tell you that?" I would love to go home and sleep in a normal bed away from the clinic smell.
"I did," her voice pulls both our attention to the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt. I was just bringing you some lunch."
My stomach growls with hunger. Loudly letting everyone in the room know how excited I am for the food she's brought. I giggle and blush.
Bardil stays at my side while she pulls a bed table across my lap and sets the food down on it.
She looks at Bardil, her eyes stern. "When this beautiful lady goes home with you, I expect you to take care of her and make sure she rests however much she needs to. A week in bed, and after that another doctor's visit to ensure she is healthy and fit and has the green light to move around freely… "
Bardil nods. "I will be very strict with her, I assure." He grins and winks at me. "She's feisty and hates being told what to do, but I think I've figured her out enough to get her to listen to me."
Epilogue - Bardil
Her recovery was quick after the incident that had me rushing her to the hospital.
It just proves how strong she is and how fiercely she fights for what matters to her.
And I keep relearning, to my heart's content, that I am one of those things that matter to her. One of those things that she will always fight for.
This girl is everything to me, and since I've opened myself up to the truth of love, it's been consuming every waking moment of my life.
