Until a steady beeping sound, rhythmic and annoying, pulled me out of a nightmare.
"Bardil?" I call out as soon as my eyes open into the glaring white room. It's too bright. A sharp clinical scent assaults my senses.
I lift my hand to hold it in front of my eyes to try and block out some of the light, and I see a thin cable leading to my hand. At first, I panic, thinking I'm tied up, but my mind quickly recognizes it as a drip. The needle carefully set with tape beneath my skin.
My eyes trace along the line that leads to a bag of fluids hanging from the corner of my hospital bed.
I only manage to keep my eyes open long enough to register these things before I fall asleep again.
The next time I wake up, the room is filled with a much softer light, and outside the window, it's either very early morning or very late afternoon. I can't tell if the sun is setting or rising.
Groaning, I shift in the bed and try to sit up.
"Oh, no, sweetheart, don't do that."
A nurse hurries to my side and gently pushes me back down.
"I want to sit up, please," I argue.
"Ok, but rather let me lift the back of the bed. You need to take it very easy."
She pushes a button on a remote, and slowly the bed begins to rise behind me.
In a flash, my panic slaps me.
"My baby!" I blurt out.
"It's ok, you're ok," she says calmly. "The baby is ok."
"I was bleeding… "
"You were. Your body went into high stress mode, and it reacted. However, there was no damaged done and we made sure you stayed isolated and resting in this room for as long as you needed to."
"How long have I been here?" I murmur, noticing how heavy my body feels.
She hands me a glass of water. "You've been asleep for almost thirty-six hours straight. Your friend outside was ready to tear the door down because we told him you had to rest. The doctor didn't want to risk anyone waking you before your body was ready," she explains.
"My friend?" I murmur.
She leans over and touches my face, seemingly satisfied with whatever she is checking.
"I'll go call him. He'll be happy to know you're awake and lucid. You woke up twice before, but you weren't incoherent and passed out again almost instantly."
The nurse leaves, and I'm alone in the clean, white room.
I remember everything.
I remember what I said to Bardil just before I passed out.
I bite my lip.
What has he been thinking? Is he angry? Is he upset? Will he hate me for keeping it from him? Is he the one who has been trying to get in to see me?
Anxiety stirs inside me and I push it back down.
Stress won't help the baby.
I'm unimaginably lucky that my little one is still safe.
