This, whatever we're building again, isn't perfect. But it's us and we aredefinitelynot perfect.
Thirty-Four
NATE
“Ithink you should do it," Jamie mutters without taking his eyes off Violet. She's been sitting in the room Ellis is remodeling for her for about an hour. Just on the floor with her knees up to her chest, back against the wall.
On and off, I've heard her sniffle. She has her water bottle, and I've offered her snacks but she's declined all of my offers.
I'm worried. After Ellis and Violet scared the shit out of me in my garage, we came back in to show her what El has been working on. She shut down as soon as she stepped into the room.
I had to send Ellis downstairs so he could get some of his anxiety out on the treadmill. He's been down there for about half an hour. Since then, my worry has increased. Violet hasn't so much as fucking twitched.
So, I called Jamie. Obviously.
"Ah, no. No way does she wantmein there with her." Shaking my head, I step back a bit. I don't want to upset her more than she already is.
Jamie rolls his eyes. "She's not a fucking shark, Nate. You'll be fine in an enclosed space with her."
"I'm not worried about me," I hiss, crossing my arms. "I don't want my presence to upsether!"
"Why the hell do you think she's here, dumbass? I would be the one comforting her if she were in my home. But she's not. She's in yours because she needs to figure out if you can be what she needs."
Fuck, when he puts it like that...
"What if she starts crying? My mom scolded me the other day for telling her to stop crying."
Jamie snorts and rubs his jaw. "I fucking hate it when she cries too. V also hates crying, but it seems to be the only stress relief she can get. Well, that and sex."
"Damn it, Jamie," I grit out and try to wipe the sexy image of Violet naked from my mind. "Don't put that shit in my head right now."
Jamie nudges me with his shoulder. "If that's what she needs from you, would you give it to her?"
"I'll give her anything she desires."
"Good," he says curtly with a firm nod. "Violet may be different and open with us, but she's still the same woman who came to me for sex to numb her feelings. She's not completely changed. Sometimes she'll need relief from the shit going on in her head. She's still journaling, did you know that?"
"No," I admit. I hate that I don't know everything about her but I suppose it's my fault. Especially in moments like this. I'm putting myself at a disadvantage by requesting Jamie help her when I could be the one comforting the woman I love.
Jamie's quiet for a long moment. "Go talk to her," he whispers and walks away stiffly. Almost like it pains him to leave her when she's so clearly struggling.
I take a breath so deep I feel like I'm about to crack a fucking rib. But I need the boost. Keeping my focus on Violet, I make myway toward her. I try my best not to hesitate because I've been doing that for an hour.
Without questioning myself too much, I sit beside her and pull my legs up like she does. I'm struck by the strong scent of paint fumes and wonder if it might be harmful to her, but I stamp it down and ponder what to say.
"What's on your mind, baby?" I whisper, pressing my thigh against hers.
A shaky breath is the only sign that she heard me. When she responds it feels like the sun is shining and I'm being rewarded.
"I'm thinking..." Violet sniffles. "That a kiss doesn't make it all better."
So I'm guessing Ellis and Violet kissed at some point today. I didn't know that, but it makes sense.
"And I'm thinking about what I deserve."
Alarm fills me at her words. "What do you mean?"
"Ellis told me he didn't deserve my kiss. I didn't think much of his words until I walked into this room and saw all the effort he was putting in to give me a space to feel comfortable and safe in your home. My immediate thought wasI don't deserve this."
