My breath stutters at my nickname, and tears spring to my eyes as if he hit a switch. When his eyes widen, I clear my throat and drag my nails through his scalp.
"Violet, are you okay?" he whispers, watching me with so much focus I feel a little wobbly.
Why can't I be the bitchy, detached, horny chick I used to be? It would be so much easier. Using his body without his love would be easier.
"I'm fine," I reply, realizing I was taking too long to say something. Now I have Nate and Jamie standing beside me with matching expressions.
"No, you're not," Jamie denies, reaching for me. I sidestep and drag Ellis to his feet, then pull him toward the kitchen.
Ellis follows obediently and I force myself to smirk. This isn't something I haven't done with Jamie many times. I know just how to get that man into bed. We'll see if I know anything about Ellis to get my way with him.
"Why not the bedroom?" Ellis asks me, pulling back just a bit.
I release him without a word and rip my shirt over my head. Quickly, so I don't overthink it, I pull my leggings down. In just a lacy black bra, I jump up onto the freezing counter.
"Come here, Ellis," I crook a finger at him. He glances at Nate and Jamie who just stand there fucking frowning at me. "I'm naked and a few strokes away from coming. Do I need to take care of myself?"
Taunting him works, especially when I dip my fingers into my already clenching pussy. Ellis growls and rips his shirt off. He stalks toward me with purpose, though the other two seem to be second-guessing their choices.
Get in fucking line.
I'm officially in the kind of territory I never wanted to be in again. "Condom," I say instead of crying and locking myself away in the bathroom.
Ellis pulls one from his pocket, eyes locked on my face, and pulls his pants down. He's already hard and ready, so the protection slips on easily. See? This is best for everyone. He wants me, and I want to forget.
So why, when I'm so close to getting what I asked for, does my throat close over and my legs snap shut? I want to forget, but I don't want him this way. Not after everything I've learned. I don't know this man, and I've spent years respecting my body enough to keep strangers out of it.
Ellis is a stranger.
Tears burn my eyes, and no matter how hard I gulp, I can't stuff down my feelings. I managed a few minutes of being the cold-hearted bitch that I used to be. I'm not her anymore.
A sob shatters the barrier built up in my throat. Slamming my eyes closed against the total agony gripping my heart, I bury my face in my hands and drag my knees up to my chest.
I'm too rattled and horrified by my actions to care that I'm mostly naked on Jamie's counter while the three of them stare at me. This is so fucked up.I'mfucked up.
"Ellis, back up," Jamie demands. The air shifts right before warm, calm hands cradle my knees. "You're okay," Jamie coos at me.
Frustrated by the total ignorance of that statement, I whip my head up and push him away from me. "I amnotokay!" I snarl and jump down. Chest heaving, I dive for my clothes needing to cover myself. Nate and Ellis are getting enough vulnerability from me without seeing me naked.
"AH!" I scream and roughly drag my hands through my hair. "It's not fucking fair.Theymade the mistake.Theylied and kept secrets.Theyhurtme! Why is it all on me to figure out what to do?!"
"It's not all on you, V," Nate declares, drawing my attention. He pauses when he catches sight of my watery glare.
"Yes. It. Is. I'm the one struggling to figure out how to go about this. I have to worry about what my friends and family will think if I let you back in. What would they think if I brought you home for Christmas this year after all the shit that's happened lately?!"
"Alright, Violet." Jamie steps forward and wraps an arm around my back. He tugs me into his chest and forces me to tilt my head back and look up at him. "That's the anxiety talking. None of that matters right now. What does matter is those two assholes figuring out how to earn your trust again.Theyfigure that out. If they so much as ask what you need to get to that point, I'll rip their spines from their backs, you understand?"
"I—"Shit, what?My tears slow, but my stomach still whirls around with disgust for myself and guilt for how I've jerked everyone around tonight. Jamie doesn't blame me though. He'son my side even after the massive screw up I just had. "I almost?—"
Jamie nods, his face serious. "You did,andyou stopped yourself. I wouldn't have let it get much further, but I'm so fucking proud of you for realizing that sex can't help everything."
Sniffling, I nod and press my forehead into his chest. I want to hide from the scene I caused. Taking a chance, I peek over at Ellis who is now dressed and looks guilty as hell. Actually, his eyes look bloodshot and his cheeks are damp.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Violet," Ellis croaks, hands shaking at his side as he all but bleeds in front of me. "So goddamn sorry."
I blink, wondering if I can accept his apology right now. I'm not sure what he's saying sorry for, and I don't have the energy to ask. Slumping against Jamie, I give Ellis a small nod of acknowledgement.
"I'm sorry for what I just did..." I whisper, embarrassed with nerves totally fried.
