My dearest Lizzy,
I have been entirely deceived in Miss Bingley’s regard for me.
“Finally!” murmured Mary, though Lydia cast her a reproachful look and motioned for Elizabeth to continue.
I do not comprehend her reason for wishing to be my friend, but if the same circumstances were to occur again, I am sure I would be deceived again. Caroline did not return my visit until yesterday, and I received neither a note nor a line in the meantime. When she did come, it was very evident that she had no pleasure in seeing me. She made a slight, formal apology for not calling before, said not a word of wishing to see me again, and was in every respect so aloof that when she went away, I was perfectly resolved to end the acquaintance.
Yet I pity her because she must feel that she has been acting wrong—
“Untrue!” interrupted Lydia. “How can Jane be so naïve? That horrible woman feels no pain or regret when acting with malevolence and incivility. Please continue!”
I am very sure that anxiety over her brother meeting me is the cause of it—
“Oh, poor Jane believes that everyone is like her!” Lydia exclaimed again, but no one was upset by the interruption, for they all thought the same.
However, I cannot but wonder about her having such fears now because if he had cared about me, we would have met long ago. I am certain he knows of my being in town from something she said herself. But I shall endeavour to banish every painful thought and think only of what will make me happy—your affection and the invariable kindness of my dear uncle and aunt. Let me hear from you very soon.
Miss Bingley said something about his never returning to Netherfield again and giving up the house, but not with anycertainty. We had better not mention it. I am delighted you have such pleasant news from Charlotte. Pray go to see them, with Sir William and Maria. I am sure you will be comfortable there.
“Poor sister!” exclaimed Mary, dabbing at the tears streaming down her face.
“I cannot cry like Mary, but I feel the same,” declared Lydia with determination, and Kitty nodded in agreement.
Elizabeth looked at them with a slight pang of guilt. It had taken their father to remind them of the strong bond between them and to help them appreciate their family’s unity.
“Papa was right,” Mary said. “We must be more discerning of people before allowing ourselves to feel a connection to them. Jane might have been spared much pain if she had not believed the Bingley sisters to be her friends—”
“Or that Mr Bingley loved her,” added Lydia, voicing what all of them were thinking.
“One thing is clear to me,” Elizabeth spoke firmly. “I shall not let myself be swayed by anyone. I shall not resist my heart’s inclinations to influence me—”
“Do you mean you will love?” asked Mary, her voice tinged with regret.
“Yes, I shall notsearchbutfall, despite what Father advised us,” Elizabeth replied with determination.
“Yes, I agree. Love must be something that comes from outside oneself and cannot be resisted…yet there are many risks, like in Jane’s case… Papa was also right,” Mary said, her tone puzzled and sad.
Lydia shrugged. “It would not be a calamity to fall in love, for I am not like Jane. If I love, I shall declare my affection and win the man I love.”
“I shall die of love,” murmured Mary dramatically, casting a wistful glance at Elizabeth, who said nothing. Instead, Kitty spoke first.
“I shall not resist love, and if you are with me, I shall ask you to help me act correctly—to leave if he does not love me and to make him see my love if he does.”
Kitty had never spoken so profoundly, and they all gazed at her affectionately, ready to help her if the need arose.
“You can always count on me,” said Elizabeth, and the others nodded their agreement.
“And you?” Mary asked Elizabeth pointedly.
“Me? I dream of falling in love…like all of you,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “But my secret dream is completely different. I would like to be free to choose my path in life and not consider marriage to be my only choice. But, unfortunately, in my case, this is only un unattainable dream.”
Chapter 7
Elizabeth’s journey to Hunsford became a source of interest and dispute in the Bennet family, which was suddenly awakened to the pleasure of discussing the major events of their lives.
Since Charlotte’s engagement and marriage, a visible distance had crept into their relationship—a source of sadness and regret as Elizabeth valued their long-standing friendship. She had decided to make the journey to Kent to try to regain their previous closeness; Charlotte was not only her dearest friend but also, along with Jane and Mrs Gardiner, her trusted confidante.
“I cannot imagine your reasons for going there!” Mrs Bennet had lamented more than once. “Perhaps to witness how they, in league with Sir William, plan to take possession of Longbourn!”
