Perplexed, Connor blinked at him. This was the first time he’d heard this from his brother. “I don’t understand. Then why the hell do you always tell me you had a good childhood? Why do you tell me you had so much fun as kids, and that’s why our family bond is so strong?”
Confused, Alec tilted his head. “But our family bond is fantastic. And we had a good childhood. And a lot of fun.”
“But…”
“Because of you, you idiot!” Alec said, annoyed. “Good God, Connor. You always played with us. Always made time for our problems. Our childhood should have been bad, but you made certain it wasn’t. How can you not realize that!”
A lump formed in his throat and his eyes stung. “But…I left.”
“After you sacrificed your youth for us. We couldn’t blame you,” Alec muttered, looking down at his hands. “We were young, but not stupid. And Mallory isn’t that much younger than you. She’s been through it all and, unlike you, talks about her feelings.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, he laughed dryly and ran his hand through his hair. “But you…idolized Dad.”
“As children, we did. After all, he was our father. And when he was there, it was wonderful. But…as you get older and look back on your childhood, you sometimes realize that children’s perceptions can be deceiving. I thought you knew that.”
“No,” he murmured. “Yes. But not really.”
Alec sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “Connor, we don’t blame you. We’d like to see you more often, but…we’re on your side. Not Dad’s. You took as much as you could and left before it burned you out. That’s perfectly fine. It wouldn’t have made you happy to stay.”
Connor took a shaky breath and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I wish I could have been there for you more, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. But you always are when we need you. So don’t feel guilty about wanting to makeyourselfhappy instead of us. Hey, did you know that happiness is singular…”
“Singular?” he added, laughing. Yes, Alec really was his brother. “I knew that.”
“Good.” Alec smiled briefly before putting his arm around his shoulder and pulling him firmly to his side. “And I have the feeling that you’re…happy?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Are you asking, or does Mallory want to know?”
“A little of both.”
He lowered his gaze and thought about it for a moment. No, actually, he was only thinking about Rachel. “I think so,” he murmured.
“Great. I’m happy for you, by the way...happy that you’re so in love. But I have to warn you that I’m going to tell Mallory, so she’ll stop worrying.”
“I’m not in love,” he murmured…but the lie barely made it out of his mouth.
He didn’t like talking about his feelings, but he understood them, at least since Winnie’s remark on the beach, which had finally given his general state of mind a name.
In love. He was in love.
That was fucking scary.
The last time he’d been in love was as a teenager, and that couldn’t compare to how he felt when Rachel walked into a room.
At least, that was what he thought five hours later as he sat on a bench in Cian’s garden and watched her step through the patio doors.
She’d definitely ruined other women’s summer dresses for him forever, because every time he saw one, he would think of Rachel, whose closet seemed to be filled with nothing else. When he’d asked her, she’d said, “It’s always windy in Chicago. I could never wear dresses without showing my underwear. I have a lot of catching up to do.”
Connor didn’t mind at all. He was all for her showing her underwear to him and no one else.
Lucy, Maddie, and Hailey emerged from Cian’s living room directly behind Rachel. Thankfully, without a baby goat or chicken. But he doubted he would have paid any attention to the animals if they’d been there.
When he looked at Rachel, it was all too easy to push everything else aside. His surroundings. His problems. The truth. He simply forgot that he wasn’t the dream man she was looking for. That they actually had a bet. That they wanted different things from life. That he should stop spending so much time with her and ruining all other women for himself.
He felt like he knew Rachel…and yet, he was surprised at every turn. He understood her, but couldn’t stop learning things about her.
He felt almost honored that she wasn’t guarded around him and never seemed to think about what he wanted to hear, just saying what was on her mind. She had given so many people what they wanted — but all he wanted was her, as she was. Infuriating and sweet. Loud, but fragile. Tough, but soft on theinside. Funny when she wanted to be. Serious when she felt like it.
