Maybe Rachel hadn’t wanted everything. Just enough. Just a maybe. A sign that would take away her fear. He knew she was afraid of not being enough. That people demandedperfect,and she couldn’t give themperfect.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Maybe he had to be the one who didn’t give up too quickly. Maybe he should tell Rachel his fears and try to ease hers. Because he wanted her forever. Just without marriage. But he hadn’t said that outright. He'd been scared that her expectationswere too high, that he couldn’t fulfill them. Or worse, that he would want to fulfill them all and forget himself in the process.
But she wouldn’t demand that. She’d merely needed…something solid from him, an admission that he’d try.
She hadn’t been perfect during their argument. She hadn't been entirely fair to him. She'd asked too much of him too quickly.
But he loved her anyway. Becauseperfectwasn’t what he wanted. Dirty was better. That was exactly what he should have told her. They should have argued. He should have explained to her what his problem was. Rachel wasn’t perfect — but with a little nudge, she would have made an effort to understand his point of view. She would havetried. And sometimes, trying was all it took.
“Mrs. Teager,” he said, “excuse me for a minute. I need to make a quick call.”
But first, he would book a plane ticket before he asked for help from someone he feared hated him and would never lift a finger to help him.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
It didn’t matter. The attempt counted, the effort he was making.
Shit, he just hoped it was enough.
Chapter Twenty-Four
If you want to meet in the middle, you have to take a step forward.
From the self-help book for self-pitiers by psychologist Rachel James
No comment
Connor was gone.
He'd flown to points unknown. No one knew where or why, and really, she wasn’t supposed to know. But she’d overheard Cian and Izzie complaining about how he’d taken a few days off without a word, and now they had to take over his work, and… Shit.
Rachel didn’t know what she’d expected, but…she’d hoped to find him sitting on her doorstep the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning afterthat.
Or at least she might have seen him walking past the window of Match Me!, grabbing breakfast for Cian, Izzie, and their new employee Jean.
But she didn’t see him at all — and she hated that.
You made it seem pretty final, Rachel, a little voice in her head whispered.
And it was true. She realized she’d practically ended it, but… She believed it would be better this way, that she should get some clarity in all areas of her life, for once.
Shit. She missed him. Even though he was so stubborn. Even though he argued about everything. Even though he knew better than anyone how to annoy her. But he also knew better than anyone how to make everything right, how to make her feel safe, how to be strong. To be right, no matter how imperfect she was – or perhaps because of it.
She just wanted to see his damn face. Not his abs, just his face!
She’d been too harsh. She’d wanted too much. She should have talked to him more, given him time and a chance. But he hadn’t even given her hope that he’d ever even think about marriage…and that had scared her.
That was exactly what she’d texted him last night. She’d apologized, explained to him that she hadn’t been entirely fair. That, obviously, he could take his time to think about everything.
But Connor hadn’t replied — and it was hard to blame him. It had only taken her one night to realize how horrible the confrontation had been. Imperfect Rachel had struck with precision.
But she could really use Connor right now, she thought, as she rang the doorbell of her parents’ house, flanked by Maddie and Lucy.
The August sun and lack of water had dried out the garden. The once beautiful house with its white facade and red roof now just looked dirty.
