“Connor, it’s perfectly fine that you don’t want to get married,” Alec murmured, looking at him seriously. “You’re a divorce lawyer, for God’s sake. I understand why marriage isn’t high on your list of priorities. You’re entitled to your opinion. Just like Rachel is.”
“But…marriage means nothing. All it means is a more complicated breakup.”
“Rachel seems to believe otherwise. But you know her better than I do. Why do you think marriage is so important to her?”
He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. She had told him.
Marriage is a promise. Like a…a bet. You promise to be fair. To talk to each other, to reach your goals together. To accept the other person as they are. Perfect or imperfect. Regardless of whether you sometimes doubt them or not.
She needed the reassurance that he was serious. Because she knew him. Because she knew he hadn’t had a long-term relationship yet and that he was cynical when it came to love. She wanted a promise that he would accept her as she was, that he wanted imperfect Rachelforever. She was afraid he had onefoot out the door. Understandably! Because, by God, in his last few relationships – which none of his friends would have called relationships – he did have one foot out the door.
But he hadn’t planned on leaving. He hadn’t planned on changing his mind. He wanted Rachel. Her wanted her so damn badly. But Connor couldn’t make promises he didn’t know he could keep. He couldn’t tell his friends that he and Rachel were now together without them getting along for at least a few months. She'd been right. It would have immediately…gotten serious. Love was so insidious — and marriages fell apart so damn often!
He swallowed and pressed his hands over his eyes. “I want to give her everything, Alec,” he whispered. “I want her to be happy so badly. I was so close to just saying yes to everything so that I wouldn’t lose her. But…I can’t losemyselfeither. I can’t give hereverything. And the fact that Iwantto give her everything…scares me. You shouldn’t sacrifice everything for love just to please the other person.”
“No,” Alec murmured, and Connor felt his hand on his shoulder. “So maybe you should tell her that's how it feels to you, like that’s what she’s asking of you. And what you’re afraid of, loving someone too much and ending up like Mom. Tell her that for you, marriage means signing up to put the other person’s needs above your own. But you know that’s not true, right? That it’s a constant process of give and take.”
He snorted. “Where did you get that from?”
“Oh, just about every couple in Eden Bay,” he replied dryly. “And Mallory, of course. But… You’re not Mom, Connor. And you’re definitely not Dad. Rachel didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who would lose herself in a relationship, so that nothing else mattered except your happiness. She made that clear. You two communicate. Too much, in my opinion. So…tell her about your problem with marriage.”
He swallowed and shook his head almost imperceptibly. “She gave up too quickly, Alec.”
“She was scared. We all get scared. You know that better than anyone. It’s the reason you’ve never had a relationship. Except with her. And why she was so disconcerted.”
Maybe. “I need to go to bed, Alec,” he said wearily. “I have to be in court tomorrow. It's the Teager divorce.”
“Sure. I hope you…sleep.”
“You mean you hope I sleep well.”
“No. I meant what I said.”
Alec was right. He wasn’t going to be sleeping. He would have only dreamed about her anyway.
“You don’t look well,” Mrs. Teager greeted him the next morning, examining his face critically. He knew what she saw, but since he didn’t have to win a beauty contest today, merely a custody battle, he didn’t see a problem.
“I didn’t sleep well. It happens. You’ll be going home with your children today, Mrs. Teager.”
She smiled hesitantly. “Thank you. And thank you for being so patient with me.”
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I kept postponing the date and reconsidering. You were incredibly kind, considering the circumstances.”
He nodded curtly, though his jaw tensed. “Of course. And now…you're 100 percent certain?”
“Yes. You know, I’m strangely…happy. Because I’m so sure. Taking more time was a good decision. I felt rushed. But now… The woman from Match Me! was right. Now I know it’s the right thing to do. Now I can fight without letting myself be unsettled anymore. It makes everything so much easier, to be certain because I’ve been honest with myself, and with him…and seenwhat kind of person he is. That wh‚at I want isn’t important to him. So…” She smiled. “This is going to be terrible, but at least I’m certain it has to be this way. Do you understand?”
He stared at her, and his heart sank. What Rachel wanted was important to him. She should know that. He just couldn’t give hereverything. “But how exactly can you be sure now? How do you know what you want really isn’t important to him?”
Mrs. Teager seemed to consider his words briefly. “I think I just needed a…sign. A sign that he was honestly trying to change. That he was making an effort to understand my side of the story. That he was giving things a chance as I saw them. That would have been enough for me to meet him halfway. He shouldn’t have to conform completely! That wasn't the man I fell in love with. The gesture, the attempt, that would have counted.” She smiled sadly. “I think everything is negotiable in a marriage, except when one wants children and the other doesn’t. But…he just dazzled me with words and flowers, not with an honest attempt at togetherness. And it ended up not being enough.”
An honest attempt. Merely an accommodation.
Connor swallowed.
I don’t want you to throw your principles overboard for me. I just wish we could at least talk about it.
