“Just for a moment.” So much had happened that it seemed ridiculous that it wasn’t daylight yet. “I’m sorry.”
Cian looked at him, perplexed. “Did you just apologize for the third time in a minute? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I feel great and shitty at the same time. Does that make sense?”
His friend’s eyebrows shot up. “Nope.”
He’d been afraid of that.
“Did something happen, Gareth?” Cian asked earnestly, looking at his face with concern. “The last time you were at my door in the middle of the night was when Ada wouldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t hold her and google how to fasten a cloth diaper properly because I didn’t have any other clean ones.”
Yes, that had been the night Cian’s ex left. He remembered.
“Yeah, something happened,” he mumbled. “I broke up with Lacey.”
Cian nodded slowly, then stepped aside and waved him in. “I’ll get you a drink.”
“I have to drive.”
Cian snorted. “Like I’d let you drive in your condition. Lie on the living room floor, but be quiet, Ada’s asleep.”
He blinked. “I should lie down?”
“Yes. On the hardwood floor, not the carpet. It always helps me when I panic.”
“I’m not….”
“Tell that to your face, Gareth.” Cian looked at him with pity before closing the front door and heading into the kitchen.
Gareth entered the living room through the hallway and lay on the hardwood floor. He would have to trust Cian — after all, he’d done more absurd things today.
Like kneeling between Hazel’s legs and finishing what she’d started. Because of him.
He swallowed, his chest simultaneously tightening and expanding — and breathed a sigh of relief when Cian crouched in front of him holding a drink in front of his face.
He lifted his head from the floor, downed the whiskey, and handed the glass back to his friend. Cian refilled it, placed it on the coffee table, and sat on the floor next to Gareth, his back against the couch.
“Tell me what happened, and take your time,” he said calmly.
God, he was that kind of dad. And, irritatingly enough, it had started before he became a father. “I broke up with Lacey,” Gareth repeated quietly.
“I got that.”
“Don’t you want to know why I broke up with her?”
“No. I know why.”
“Of course.” He licked his lips, tasted whiskey and Hazel. Always Hazel. “Shit.” He put an arm over his forehead. “It’s eating me up.”
“I know.”
“I’m not talking about Lacey.”
“I know.”
Gareth laughed mirthlessly. “I…don’t want to feel so much at once. It makes every breath hell.”
“Gareth,” Cian said quietly, “our feelings don’t care what we want.”
