“It’s true!” Hilary exclaimed. “You aren’t just creating the baby right now, but the placenta as well, which is your child’s lifeline.”
“It’s notmychild,” I corrected.
Her steps slowed, and she blinked like she thought she hadn’t heard me right. “I’m sorry?”
“You said it was my child, but that’s not true. I’m not keeping it and I didn’t choose this.”
Hilary stopped walking completely. “Is there a reason you always have to dwell on that, Miss Murphy?”
“Because it’s the truth,” I replied. “None of this was up to me. I was forced into it.”
Hilary let out an exasperated breath, then started walking again, shaking her head. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Fine with me,” I muttered as I followed.
She led me to an exam room where the nurse who disliked me so much was already waiting, her supplies laid out on a wheeled tray.
“Arabella Murphy?” she asked when I stepped in even though her unhappy expression said she knew who I was.
“Yeah.” I took a seat on the exam table and offered her my arm, ready, as Hilary had put it, to get it over with.
“Eager, isn’t she?” the nurse said in a sarcastic tone, addressing Hilary, who snorted.
I said nothing.
The nurse wrapped a tourniquet around my forearm, tapped the crook of my elbow a few times until she found a vein, then effortlessly inserted the needle. Once it was in place, sheadded a tube to the end, allowed it to fill with blood, then pulled it free. She shook it a few times, mixing the blood with the gunk in the bottom of the tube before setting it aside and repeating the process. Three tubes of blood later, she placed a cotton ball and Band-Aid on my arm and removed the tourniquet.
“All done.”
“Thanks,” I said with no gratitude in my voice, eyeing the stolen blood.
The nurse exchanged a look I could neither read nor care about before taking the vials and leaving the room. Once she was gone, Hilary got down to business.
“The ultrasound will be trans vaginal,” she said, opening a cabinet and retrieving a few things, “so you’ll need to undress from the waist down. You can cover using this.” She set a folded paper blanket next to me on the exam table and gave me a bright smile. “Any questions?”
I eyed the paper, knowing it was supposed to provide some semblance of modesty but also aware that it wouldn’t work, and in a flat voice replied, “No.”
Hilary’s mouth twitched, but it was the only noticeable change in her expression. She really was well trained. “Great! I’ll step out, so you can undress and so I can get the ultrasound tech. Be back in a few!”
Her chipper words hung in the air even after she’d left, making it impossible to move right away. Knowing there was nothing I could do to avoid this, though, I forced myself to get down to business, and once I was undressed, there was nothing to do but wait.
This wouldn’t be the first ultrasound I’d had. They’d given me one before I entered the program and another before implantation to make sure I was fertile, and I’d had one at sixteen when I reached the farm, but this somehow felt heavier. It would also make this whole thing so much more real, which I wasn’t ready for. Despite the nausea, exhaustion, sore breasts, and the day I’d gotten the positive results, I’d mostly been able to ignore what was going on with my body. But today I would see the thing growing inside me, and even though I’d searched for pictures andknew it would only slightly resemble a baby at this stage, there would be a heartbeat. And I would hear it.
The only sound in the room as I waited was the whoosh of air coming from the vents, but even that was unnerving. The other times I’d been in this position, I’d been able to hear people in the hall, either talking or walking past, but now it was so silent I felt totally alone, which had my imagination running wild. What if there was a sudden alien invasion in which every person in the world was sucked into a spaceship except me? I’d be pregnant and alone with no option but to raise this kid, which was the last thing I wanted.
The thought was crazy, but maybe that was what I was now. Crazy.
I jumped when a quiet knock sounded and said, “Come in.”
It opened a second later, revealing Hilary, an ultrasound tech, as well as Dr. Hendricks.
“Ready?” the tech asked in a neutral tone. Which I appreciated. I was so tired of people acting like this was a happy occasion.
“Sure.”
I lay back without having to be told, scooting to the edge of the table as I focused on the ceiling. The motivational poster was different in this room, this one displaying a dog jumping and the wordsAim High, but it was just as ridiculous. Even so, it gave me something to focus on as the others went about their business. There was movement and quiet talking, then the groan of medical equipment being pulled closer to the table.
“Feet in the stirrups,” the tech said in the same bored tone.
