I put my knees together as, around me, the others moved. My eyes were still shut, and I stayed where I was, the knowledge that the doctor was so very wrong cementing me in place. It wasn’t all done, it was just beginning.
Fifteen
Idressed hurriedly when the doctor, nurse, and Hilary left me alone, wanting to get out of the building as fast as possible. Trying not to think about what had just been done to me, I focused instead on the poster of the kitten.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
Its presence was ludicrous, but oddly comforting because it made the whole situation seem juvenile and unimportant. Silly.
Any comfort the poster had given me disappeared when I opened the door and found Hilary waiting in the hall, a big smile on her face.
“How do you feel?”
Like I’ve just been violated, I thought, while out loud I said, “Okay.”
“Good. Good.” She nodded emphatically. “Do you have any questions?”
“No.”
She pressed her lips together the way she did when she was dissatisfied with something I said or did. “Well, that’s good, but I also know how overwhelming this can be. Which is why I’m reminding you about the support group tomorrow night. It’s required, remember, but I think it will be helpful as you navigate this new situation. You also need to schedule a meeting with a counselor, which I know you haven’t done.”
She arched an eyebrow as if challenging me to deny this.
Since I couldn’t, I shrugged and said, “Yeah. Okay. I’ll get that done today.”
The fake smile returned. “Excellent!”
I clenched my fists when the urge to slap her swept over me.
“Other than that, I want to make sure you do your best to stay healthy and get plenty of rest. Take your vitamins, drink lots of water, and come back in two weeks if you haven’t had your period. Understand?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, torn between wanting to get out of here and wanting to remind her that I wasn’t a child and didn’t need to be micromanaged.
“Good.” Hilary waited, and when I said nothing else, waved to the door. “I guess that’s all for today.”
Deciding a reply wasn’t necessary, I gave a stiff nod, then headed down the hall toward the waiting room. Hilary, to my relief, didn’t follow. She did, however, sigh like she was irritated. Well, the feeling was mutual.
When I reached the frosted glass door that led into the waiting room, I pushed on it harder than necessary. It whooshed open, swinging so violently I expected it to slam into the wall. There must have been a doorstop because the thud was quieter than I expected.
I stepped out and froze.
“I’m halfway there,” the woman I’d seen upon arriving was telling Fertility Department Barbie.
The blonde was beaming as she rubbed her hands over her stomach, her expression making it clear she thought the life growing inside her was a miracle. I couldn’t really argue with that, especially considering how few people were fertile these days, but I also couldn’t say I would feel the same when my time came.
I watched silently as the two women chatted. The pregnant one, who had to be twenty-two at the most, couldn’t stop smiling, and while the receptionist was much less jubilant, she, too, seemed in awe of the other woman’s condition.
“You’re so lucky,” Fertility Department Barbie was saying, “I was just a teenager when the fertility crisis became apparent, which was way before The Fertility Act. My husband and I triedfor years before finally accepting it was hopeless. Maybe, if we’d realized what was going on earlier, we could have had a chance to adopt.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Back then, though, there were so few fertile women, and no one was monitoring them. It was all a guessing game. Not like now.”
My insides twisted, knotted, and made me want to hurl. Both because her words disgusted me, but also because I understood the turmoil she’d gone through back then. Trying over and over again only to fail, then finally accepting it was hopeless just before things started to change. Watching younger couples adopt must have been torture. Still, why should rebuilding the human race rest on my shoulders? How was that any better than having a uterus that wouldn’t work? It wasn’t, and I would never pretend it was.
Wanting to get away, I ducked my head and hurried across the waiting room, my sights set on the door.
“See you in a couple weeks!” Department of Fertility Barbie called as I hurried past.
I waved but said nothing.
Since having someone hit on me was the last thing I wanted right now, I kept my head down when I stepped out of the elevator on the first floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Department of Fertility soldier as I hurried to make my escape.
