“Anyway,” I shifted so I could grab the ultrasound pictures off the nightstand, “I have something to show you.”
I held them out when I turned back, and his eyes widened again. He took them from me gingerly, blinking like he was holding back tears, and studied them in silence. First the top one, then the next, then finally the third. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was as affected by the images as I had been.
“Our baby,” he finally said. “I can’t believe it.”
He was still staring at the picture when he put his hand on my stomach.
Forty-Three
Everything with my bloodwork came back normal, which was a relief even though I’d expected as much after the ultrasound. Days passed, then weeks, and then it was time for another checkup. I was fourteen weeks and in the second trimester, which was farther than I’d ever gotten before. The book said my baby was the size of a lemon and had fully formed organs and was in the process of growing fingernails. I couldn’t even imagine it.
Again, everything was normal, and again, I was able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.
Marc and I poured over the baby book each night, going over what would happen next, talking about what it would be like to feel our baby move, and discussing possible names. We had more than a month until we would be able to feel the baby, and about that long before I started showing, but I couldn’t wait. I also couldn’t wait to share every moment with Marc.
It wasn’t until my twenty-week checkup that everything came crashing down.
“You’re at the halfway point!” Hilary exclaimed as she and I headed to my assigned cubicle.
Despite my extreme dislike of this woman, I couldn’t help returning her smile. I’d yet to feel the baby move, but it would be soon, and I couldn’t wait. Recently, I’d noticed that my waistlinehad thickened, and my stomach was no longer totally flat when I lay on my back. My baby was now the size of a banana.
“Hopefully the next half goes by as fast as the last twenty weeks have,” I said as I pushed my way through the curtain. “I can’t wait to meet my baby.”
“Yes,” Hilary said then busied herself with her tablet.
She’d been standoffish lately, which was fine with me. The less I had to talk to the woman, the better.
The doctor and nurse came in and did the normal stuff. Blood pressure, checking the fundal height, asking how I’d been feeling, and all that stuff. After that, the doctor did another ultrasound, which was even more awe inspiring than the last one had been. I could see the baby’s profile, its little heart beating in its chest, its spine, as well as its arms and legs moving. It was so active, too! It kicked, squirmed, and even lifted its hand to its mouth like it was going to suck its thumb.
“He’s an active little guy,” the doctor commented.
“Is it a boy?”
“Well,” he said, moving the ultrasound wand across my stomach, “let’s just see if we can confirm it.”
A few seconds of silence passed as he tried to get a good view, and I stared at the screen, my breath held and my heart pounding. I didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t excited to find out.
“Right there,” the doctor finally declared, then paused the image. “See that.” He pointed at the screen. “It’s a boy!”
A boy. A son.Myson.
I couldn’t wait to tell Marc.
Like before, the doctor printed out a few pictures then excused himself, leaving me alone with Hilary. I wiped the ultrasound jelly off my belly, pulled my shirt down, and got to my feet, waiting for her to dismiss me, but she didn’t act like she was in a hurry to leave.
“There’s something I need to discuss with you,” she said after a slight pause. “I know you’ve mentioned that you changed your mind about keeping the baby, and I understand this isn’t going to be easy to hear, but I need you to remain calm.”
Her tone turned my blood to ice. “What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I be calm?”
“Unfortunately,” she went on, avoiding looking at me, “it’s been decided that you are not a candidate for motherhood.”
She said it in such a matter-of-fact way and with so little emotion that at first, I didn’t get her meaning. Then I did and I had to sit down. I was so shocked, so caught off guard, that I was rendered speechless. I literally couldn’t form words. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t real.
“But I have a contract,” I managed to get out.
“A contract that can be changed at any time at the Department of Fertility’s discretion,” Hilary replied. “The government wants what’s best for everyone in the program, and you have to admit that your behavior has been questionable from the beginning. Your attitude, exposing yourself to secondhand smoke, poor sleep habits, defiance at every turn. All of that has been taken into consideration, Miss Murphy, and it’s been determined that it would not be in the best interest of you or the baby for you to remain together. Which means that after you give birth, the Department of Fertility will find the baby a good home with suitable parents.”
“My baby,” I mumbled.
