Marc watched me as he crossed the room, his expression guarded and his body stiff, and I didn’t miss the way his gaze strayed to my abdomen. If he was expecting to see proof that I was pregnant, he was going to be disappointed. I wasn’t far enough along for that. I suspected, though, that he was only thinking about my condition and what it meant for him.
When he reached me, he settled onto the other chair without a word, and for a few seconds, we stared at one another. I was waiting for him to break the silence because, while I should apologize, should tell him everything, I felt like he deserved tohave the first word. It was only fair.
“You’re pregnant,” he finally said.
It wasn’t a question or accusation, but more of a statement, which I took as a good sign.
“Yes,” I replied. “I found out three weeks ago.”
Marc’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “And you didn’t tell me.”
Again, it was a statement.
“I tried,” I began, “but I couldn’t get the words out. I don’t know if it was shock or denial or something else, but I just couldn’t make myself say it.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Before he got here, I hadn’t been sure how he’d react, but I hadn’t expected this. He was being so calm. So level-headed. It was a relief, but somehow, it made me feel twice as bad, too.
“Honestly?” I said after a moment to reflect.
Marc gave an almost imperceptible nod.
“I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it, but I’m sure I would have at some point.”
He snorted, displaying emotion for the first time since stepping into my room. “Like when you were showing?”
The words were harsh and bitter, and while I didn’t blame him, it still stung.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, blinking to hold in the tears threatening to break free. “I am so sorry. And I didn’t want you to find out this way. I just needed more time to wrap my head around the whole thing. I also think I was afraid of how it would change things between us.”
He swallowed like finding his voice was difficult then whispered, “Because it could be mine.”
“Because it’s probably yours. I mean, we had sex the night before I was inseminated and then later that day.” I shrugged. “Let’s face it, there was a whole lot more of you inside me than him.”
He jerked like the thought of another man’s sperm inside me hurt.
Marc closed his eyes, and I waited, knowing he needed to think things over, to take it all in, and also knowing that, like me,he might be in denial for a bit before he could fully accept what this meant. I got it. Of course, I did.
After nearly a minute of sitting in silence, Marc blew out a long breath and opened his eyes. When he did, the anger had vanished, and in its place was something else. Something that both thrilled and terrified me.
“I’m going to be a father.”
“You’re going to be a father.”
Marc stood and crossed to me. When he reached me, he knelt and gently placed his hand on my abdomen, his expression full of awe. My stomach was just as flat as it had always been, but I understood. This was my third pregnancy, but it felt nothing like the other two, which was one of the reasons I’d put off telling him. Before, I’d felt no attachment to the thing growing inside me, had viewed it more as a parasite than anything else, but not now. Now whenever I thought about the life Marc and I had created, I pictured the future. I pictured a family. And it terrified me.
Marc looked up, his hand still on my stomach, but said nothing. He didn’t need to because he was thinking the same things I was. I loved him. He loved me. This was our baby, and there was no way in hell we could give it up.
Forty-Two
“We can’t give him up,” Marc whispered as we lay in bed, me in his arms and his fingers moving up and down my arm.
“Him?” I said, biting back a smile. Something I still couldn’t wrap my brain around. Thinking about my baby made me smile. Made me happy. It was insane but true.
“Or her.” He kissed the top of my head. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as we’re together.”
“I don’t know how we’ll manage that,” I said. “Even if I keep the baby, we can’t let anyone know it’s yours. They’d throw us both in jail.”
