Days passed, and I continued to keep my pregnancy from Marc, telling myself I was protecting him even though it was a lie. I was protecting myself and nothing more.
Thanksgiving came and went. It was a depressing affair with cafeteria style turkey, lumpy mashed potatoes, dry stuffing, and pumpkin pie that had the consistency of pudding. The only good part of the day was seeing Marc that night, but like every other time we’d been together since I’d found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the news. The longer I waited, the harder it got.
Three weeks after finding out I was pregnant, it all came crashing down.
Marc and I were in the music room, listening to one of theother women play the piano. It was an easy way to spend time together out in the open since there was always a crowd, so we did it often. We stood at the back of the room in the shadows, a reasonable amount of space between us but close enough that we could talk, even trade the occasional touch. It was risky, but I’d started to suspect we weren’t the only ones sneaking around. Living here was lonely, and we were secluded, and the temptation to grab something for yourself too great.
“I can’t stay as long tonight,” Marc whispered, his voice low enough that the musical notes drowned it out for everyone but me. “I have an early shift.”
“I probably need the sleep, anyway.”
His gaze darted toward me then quickly away. “Yeah. You’ve been looking tired lately. I must be keeping you up too much.”
His lips twitched, and despite how much I loved his smile, guilt twisted my insides. I hated keeping the truth from him, but I just couldn’t face it. Not yet.
“It’s worth it,” I whispered, trying to keep my emotions in check so he didn’t suspect something was wrong.
He reached for me, his hand brushing mine in the darkness, and like every time he touched me, tingles moved through my body. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him smile, and despite my guilt, I did, too. I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. To curl up in his arms. To kiss him.
When Hilary stepped into the room and looked around, I pulled my hand from his and moved farther away. I didn’t know why, but I had a strong suspicion she was looking for me. She spotted me a few seconds later, and even from across the room, I could tell she let out an exasperated sigh. Typical.
I stiffened when Hilary started toward me, wishing Marc would walk away. Knowing that if he didn’t, he might learn my news. I wasn’t ready for that, but I definitely didn’t want him to find out from my minder.
Marc shifted, and I thought my prayers might have been answered, but all he did was put a little more space between us and turn his attention to the soldier standing next to him. God, I hoped the music was loud enough to drown out whatever Hilaryhad to say.
“There you are, Miss Murphy,” she said when she stopped in front of me. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Did I have an appointment?” I glanced at my wristband to make sure I hadn’t missed something. I hadn’t.
“No, no,” Hilary replied. “I was just coming to talk to you about your erratic sleep patterns and habitual exercising. I let it go, but now that you’re pregnant” – Marc went rigid – “I’m concerned. I think we should talk to the doctor about it.”
My face was on fire, but I kept my focus on Hilary. Out of the corner of my eye, Marc was still visible, and he was openly staring at me, the shock plain on his face. Oh, no. Oh, God, what was he doing? He was being so obvious, and Hilary was right here. He needed to look away or he would bring attention to himself. To me.
Dear God,I prayed,please don’t let Hilary notice how stiff Marc is or the way he’s staring at me. Please.
“Miss Murphy?” Hilary prompted when I didn’t respond.
Marc continued to stare.
“Yes,” I croaked, then cleared my throat. “I think that’s a good idea.”
She glanced at her tablet. “I have some time right now, actually.” She looked up. “Does that work for you?”
Normally, a statement like this would have pissed me off because she knew very well both what my schedule was and that I had more time to kill than I liked. But since I could still see Marc staring at me out of the corner of my eye, I was too shaken for her words to get to me.
“Yes,” I managed to get out, “I can do that.”
“Excellent.”
Hilary waved to the nearest exit, indicating we should get going, and I obeyed. Marc was still watching me when I headed off, but between the angle of his face and the shadows in the dark corner, I couldn’t read his expression. Not that I needed to since I could imagine how he must be feeling. Betrayed for sure, most likely hurt as well. It was justified, of course, because I should have told him, and he would have something to say aboutit tonight when he came to my room.
For the first time since we took our relationship to the next level, I was dreading being alone with him. I just hoped he could forgive me.
The doctor had givenme some sleeping pills in case I decided I needed them but had also assured Hilary that trouble sleeping sometimes came with the territory and that as long as I was napping, I would be okay. He’d also cleared me to exercise. I was glad because I had no intention of taking pills or changing my sleeping schedule. Assuming Marc wasn’t finished with me, because there was always the risk that he wouldn’t be able to get over this betrayal.
Normally, I slept a little while I waited for him to slip into my room, but that night, I didn’t even bother trying. I was nervous. Jumpy. On the verge of tears. I was also cursing myself for not being honest with him to begin with. How could I have been so stupid? So selfish? If I could do it over, I would have told him three weeks ago when I first found out.
I was sitting in one of the two chairs in my room with the lights on when the door opened just after one o’clock in the morning. If Marc was startled to see me up, he didn’t give his feelings away. He simply shut the door and engaged the deadbolt.
