He held my hand as I cried, my sobs silent even as they shook my body. His grip was firm yet gentle, and he said nothing while he waited for me to pull myself together. It took longer than it should have.
When I was finally cried out, I pulled my hand from his and once again dried the tears from my cheeks. “Thanks.”
“I’m not sure I did much,” he said.
“You listened, which was what I needed.” I exhaled. “I mean, it’s not that I couldn’t talk to some of the other women here, but this is different. You don’t have your own baggage when it comes to the subject.”
He gave me a subdued smile that, despite my horrible mood, had my pulse quickening. “I get that and I’m happy to listen. Any time. I mean, I know I’m not the same as Trevor, but I can still sympathize.”
“God, I miss him.” I forced out a smile. “We’ve known one another for so long. Have been through so much together. It feels wrong to be going through this without him.”
“I hope I can meet him one day.”
“Me too,” I said, smiling both because the idea warmed me and because Marc was thinking about what would happen after all this.
I’d only known him for a little over a week, but thinking about what could happen next had been a good distraction. I didn’t make connections with people easily, but there had been something between us. Even before we came here, if I was being honest. I’d looked for Marc when I went into the Health Department building back home, had counted on him distracting me. I should have realized what it was, but I’d been too focused on other things. And at the time, I’d had my best friend to lean on. Unlike now.
“I wish I could talk to Trevor,” I murmured.
I’d have to wait two days to call him. Even then, the conversation would be monitored and short and topics off limits. I felt so secluded here. So, in the dark.
“Ara, I –” When Marc hesitated, something flashed in his eyes.
I sat up straight, suddenly more afraid than I’d been since I got here. “What is it?”
“Shit.” He ran his hand over his head. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, obviously, since I’m not even supposed to be here, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to call Trevor.”
Alarm shot through me. Was something wrong with thephones? They hadn’t even been fixed for a week, and not everyone had gotten the opportunity to call home yet, so I hoped not. Even those of us who’d gotten the chance had only been given fifteen minutes. That wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot.
“What do you mean? Tell me what you mean, Marc!”
He let out a long, pained breath. “They never had any intention of letting you stay in contact with your family.”
“What?” I squeaked out.
“It’s too hard to monitor. There’s too much you could let slip. Too many things they could tell you that would disrupt what’s going on here. I’m sorry, I am, and I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the plan was always to allow everyone one phone call and then make an excuse as to why the outside world could no longer be reached.”
I was too stunned to cry. We really were in prison. No, this was worse than prison.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, I asked, “What about you guys? Will you still have WIFI and be able to make calls?”
Marc winced, which revealed the truth even before he said, “Yes.”
I wanted to vomit.
We were quiet for a few minutes, me because I was stunned into silence and him because he probably didn’t know what to say. Not that there was anything to say. He didn’t need to apologize for something he had no control over, and there were no words to comfort me. This was how it was, and as shocked I’d been at first, I wasn’t really that surprised.
“I’m sorry, Ara,” he finally said. “It’s not fair. I know it isn’t.”
“It’s not your fault,” I mumbled.
He took my hand. “I know, but I can still be sorry for what you’re going through.”
Despite how sad and angry I was, I appreciated the gesture. I also appreciated that he’d told me, so I wasn’t blindsided.
“We should probably head down,” he said after a few seconds of silence. “Someone is going to miss me if I stay away too long.”
“Same,” I said, even though I didn’t think it was true. Bette would be the only one who might notice, but she had biggerthings to worry about right now. Like when she was going to go into labor.
