I nodded. “Then you’ll just have to take me at my word, or not. It’s up to you.”
Whether I liked it or not, so many things were.
15
RYDER? TOBY?
The handcuffs dug into my wrist when I tried to move, and I found myself in an awkward position as I tried to keep the pressure off. After the chat we’d had, I’d been surprised to find myself cuffed to the bed, but it seemed old habits die hard.
Or he just doesn’t trust you.
He had good reason not to trust me. Just because he’d professed feelings for me didn’t mean I had any for him, and if he was distracted with dinner, there were all sorts of things I could do.
I could get dressed and make a run for it.
I could find something in his bathroom and try to end it.
I didn’t know which sounded more appealing.
Maybe he’d been right to cuff me.
I lay there alone, and I hated it. I wished he’d given me the option to go with him, because it would’ve been better than being by myself. I’d had plenty of that in the short period of time I’d been stuck in the cell downstairs.
The fact that I even wanted to be around him instead of being alone after what he’d done to me fucking terrified me.
I’d softened so much toward him — too much — and while forgiveness didn’t come easily, there was a big part of me that was too relieved he’d gotten me out of the basement to be too angry at him.
It was ridiculous. He’d been the one to put me there in the first place. I should’ve been furious at him, but I was just…
Tired.
I didn’t know what to feel or what to think. I should’ve hated him, and the fact that I somehow didn’t was disturbing. So was the lack of anger, but maybe it was just that I didn’t have the energy to be angry after everything that had happened.
We’d had such a good day until I’d gone and fucked it up.
It was hard not to hold it against myself. He’d reacted both like I’d thought he would and not. I hadn’t expected him to put me in the basement then rescue me so shortly after. Maybe he’d wanted to seem like the hero, even though he was the villain too.
Or maybe he’d really just felt bad.
It seemed like he did. He hadn’t fallen prey to his usual claims that I was his, so I was going to do what he wanted. He’d confessed something else entirely, and from what I knew about him…
He wasn’t the type to say things like that on a whim.
It made the entire situation more frightening. If hecaredabout me, I was even more stuck than I’d been to begin with. He’d been wanting the situation more than me in particular, and I’d had a small chance of him losing interest in me. I’d have even agreed not to go to the police if he’d let me out.
I might have even meant it.
But now that this had come to light, I knew I was done for. He was possessive, obsessive, and he wasn’t going to let me go.
It should’ve devastated me all over again, but I was too exhausted to cry again. I’d spent all my tears in the basement — in the basement, and in his arms, until my tears had run dry and I’d been ready to fall asleep.
I didn’t know why I’d turned to face him, why I’d cuddled with him, but I had. Maybe I’d wanted the warmth, the comfort, the feeling of another person’s arms around me even if those arms belonged to my captor. I’d needed it so badly that I hadn’t cared where I got the solace from.
I couldn’t bring myself to care now either.
Why?
I wasn’t sure there was even an answer, let alone one I could figure out.
