It was terrifying, and it was a relief, because there was no way I could have fond feelings toward the man who had shoved me back into a cell in the basement because I’d refused tocomewhen he’d told me to.
Except there was disappointment and misery mixed in with the rest, too.
I’d hoped I’d be wrong.
So help me, I’d wanted to be wrong, even though that meant it would be that much harder to hate him.
This would help, though. This would return me to what I’d been. This would be so good for me, so much better than kissing him and sucking him and chasing a fucking red dot across the floor…
Except it wasn’t, and I already missed the comfort of the upstairs — where it was warm and dry, where I wasn’t locked away like an animal because of his rage.
I stayed silent then, knowing nothing I could say would affect him. He was too angry to listen, and even if I’d wanted to apologize —so help me, I did want to apologize— I wouldn’t have been able to.
I reminded myself that this was the man who had taken me — this, right here, not the man who had kissed me and been gentle with me. This was what always lurked beneath the surface, just waiting to emerge. I’d needed this reminder even as I hated it.
How much of what had happened been real? If he could turn on me this quickly…
I swallowed hard, staring down at the basement floor instead of looking up at him.
“When you’re ready to behave,’ he said coldly, “just let out a little bark.”
Something within me wilted, threatening to die, as he relegated me back to what I’d been. I didn’t know how he could change so easily back into the monster he’d been, yet I’d known it was going to happen.
Why was I wishing so fucking hard that I’d been wrong?
“Do you understand me, Toby?”
I didn’t dare refuse to answer then. I nodded to him, trembling as I clutched the blanket so tightly my knuckles turned white.
“I said, do you understand me?” he demanded.
“Yes… Master,” I whispered, hating myself for responding, hating him for forcing me here and confirming every negative thought I’d ever had about him.
Why had I thought he could be something more?
Why the fuck did I care?
He nodded curtly, spinning on his heel and taking a few steps in the direction of the stairs. He paused, though, and turned his head to look at me. Something flickered across his expression, something unreadable, and for a moment…
For a moment, I thought he might change his mind.
Hope surged within me, and I desperately wished I was right. He was going to let me out of here. He wasn’t going to punish me for one act of disobedience when I’d done so well?—
Then he shook his head and turned back for the stairs, stomping up them and getting to the door. He yanked it open and slammed it behind him with a resounding sound, and it seemed like it echoed across the entire basement as he did.
I flinched, my fingers cramping from how tightly I held the blanket in my hands. It wasn’t going to help. Nothing was going to help.
And so fucking help me, tears started to spill from my eyes.
I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it. Once I’d started, I couldn’t stop, and soon I was outright bawling into my hands. I wept and wept, crying all the tears I hadn’t let loose since I’d been there.
I mourned my life — my home, my girlfriend, fuck, I even mourned my classes.
I mourned the loss of the person I’d been.
I’d been so fucking innocent — so ignorant, really —and now… Now I was here, trapped in the basement of a madman I’d thought could be so much more, and I didn’t know if I’d ever see daylight again…
I didn’t know what would be left of me if I did.
