“Get some rest, Ev,” I say as I climb out of the van. “I won’t be far.”
My eyes are heavy as I walk away, my throat tight. His scent is definitely getting to me, making my throat burn. I hate myself for saying it, but I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. And I’m afraid if I don’t put space between us, I’ll lose control.
But I need him close to keep him safe, which means dealing with the constant ache of being torn in two completely different directions.
I take a seat on the swing and flip to a blank page in the notebook. In smooth quick motions, I outline the basic form of a wolf running through the trees, recalling their long snouts and amber eyes. They were actually quite beautiful, when they weren’t trying to kill me. I tried to capture how the light glints off their fur, or the way their muscles tense as they run. I add some trees in the distance and puddles on the ground, trying to make it look like early morning.
I become so lost to the art that I startle when the van door opens. When I look up, I’m surprised it’s well past sunrise.
Evan stifles a yawn as he strolls over, taking a seat next to me. He studies the page, the corners of his lips curving into a smile. “Is that someone from the pack?”
I shrug. “Wasn’t going for anyone specific.”
“Well, it’s still awesome. You should give it to them.” He’s quiet for a minute, then clears his throat and asks in a quiet voice, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Are we… I mean, are we good?”
I furrow my brows. It’s not the first time he’s asked me that, but his tone unnerves me. He tugs at a drawstring on his sweatshirt, avoiding my eyes as he shifts in his seat. He still has bags under his eyes, like he didn’t sleep at all after I left.
“What do you mean?”
“This just isn’t how I thought our reunion would go, you know?”
I lower my voice. “I never meant to pull you into this.”
He glances at me. “That’s just it though. You’re acting like you genuinely don’t want me here.”
“What?”
“You wanted to leave as soon as you got to my house, Jer. Like,beforeRip chased us. Which, just… Well, it hurt, if I’m honest. Then when my mom called yesterday, you basically shoved me away, like it was the perfect excuse to get rid of me.”
“I didn’t want you to go with us. It was dangerous.”
“Even though we promised we’d stick together?”
I clench my teeth. “You saw how they reacted. I didn’t want you near that.”
“Do you have any idea how nervous I was, though? I was afraid for you. I had no idea if we could trust them, yet you didn’t give me a choice. You left anyway. Then last night, you left without saying anything, even though you’re clearly exhausted.” His blue eyes are full of an emotion I can’t understand. “It feels like you don’t want me around.”
I still don’t reply. I’m not sure I can.
“So I’m asking you. Are we really okay, Jer? Or do you want me to go?”
“Why would Iwantyou to go?” I can’t help but ask. “You’re safer with me, especially now.”
His cheeks turn red as he looks away. “I just… I wonder if it’s too hard for you or something.” His voice lowers again. “I saw the notebook.”
My heart lurches. There are dozens of erotic sketches in any of my notebooks, but if he meant the red one…
“Whatnotebook?”
He avoids looking at me. “The one under the pile of clothes. With the drawings of us… together.”
I slam the notebook closed, shame and embarrassment flooding through me. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck.Fuuuuuuck.
