“Shit, that reminds me!” Miles sits up in a rush, scooting back to the headboard. “There’s a chance for me to take a shift in San Diego soon.”
Relief floods me as I sit up. “Really?”
His cheeks puff out in a smile. “It’s a one-year contract. Possibly eighteen months. And it’s a general rotation, which means I won’t be stuck in one department the whole time.”
“You sound excited about that. It’s a good thing?”
“A very good thing. For me, anyway. I like the change.”
Miles is clearly interested, but something is holding him back. “What do you want to do? You know I’d love to have you, but it’s your career, hon. I’m just here to support you.”
“Well, I want to be with you, obviously. And this is… Jordan, I don’t get long contracts like this very often. And inSan Diegoof all places.I’d basically be on your doorstep every night.”
I can’t help but smile. There is nobasicallyabout it. He would be. I’d make sure of it. “So, why haven’t you applied already?”
His smile fades instantly, and he bites his lip. “The position doesn’t start until three months after this one. Which means I either leave and head down there without three months’ pay, which I can do, but would rather not. Or…”
“Or you stay in Salt Lake City for three more months.” My heart sinks.
“Exactly. I won’t get there until December.”
Fuck.
I try to hide my disappointment. “That’s rough, but we’ll figure it out.”
He shifts, and somehow, I can tell he’s pulled his knees up, like he’s trying to hug himself. I wish I could be there. I miss him so fucking much.
“I might be able to take a couple weeks off after this contract. Like a vacation before the partial term? I could come see you.”
It would gut us both if he did that, and we both know it. Saying goodbye after two days tore us apart. Still, I try to be encouraging. “See? Possibilities.”
If the darkness wasn’t lingering, I might actually feel good about this. December is far away—far, far away—but it’s also a set date. A promise that wewouldbe together at the end of it.
He looks offscreen, and when he speaks again, his voice is soft, pained. “I know the timing sucks, but I thought you’d be happier.”
I sigh. “I am, Miles. Really. It sounds great, and I would love for you to be here that long.”
“But?”
“There’s no buts. It’s just been an off day.”
He’s quiet, like he wants to ask if it’s my depression, but he doesn’t, and I love that about him. He gives me the space I need, when I need it.
“Speaking of which, I have news too.”
“Oh?”
“I made the appointment with my psychiatrist.”
His jaw drops. “Really?”
“I should’ve days ago.”More like years ago.“But yeah. It’s in three weeks.”
“Jordan! That’s good!”
I swallow hard, rubbing my chest. The weight is unbearable now that I’ve noticed it again. “Yeah. Hopefully.”
“Itis.It’s a step.”
