“I’m not—I’m not strong enough. I’m trying. I am. You know I am. I know you need me to be, but… it’s… Fuck, sorry. I’m not making sense.”
Darkness swirls in my vision. “Miles,” I choke.
“I miss you!” he blurts, then wipes his eyes. “I can’t do long distance. I know it’s unfair but, God. Things are… not good, and soon, they’ll—they’ll be even worse. I don’t know if I’m…” He gasps sharply and cuts off, dropping his phone. Darkness fills the screen.
Worse? What does he mean?
I wait for him to explain, but he doesn’t. “Miles!”
The darkness creeps in further.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask, my voice unrecognizable. I know why they call it a breakup now. My heart feels like it’s shattering.
He finally lifts the phone, face red and blotchy. “What?”
Either he hadn’t heard me, or he’s buying himself time.
“I said, are you breaking up with me?” It would be a shitty thing to do, considering I’m trying to make myself better forhim.Well, no. Notfor him, I’m doing it for me. But Miles isa big part of it. He’s what gave me the push.
Miles looks gutted. “You think… Oh, no.” He shakes his head fervently. “No. Shit, Jord, no. I’m sorry! I’m fucking this up. It’s not us. I’d never…” He wipes his face. “I’m not breaking up with you.”
I finally suck in air, and my voice comes out firm. “Then what is it? You’re clearly a mess, and it’s terrifying me. What happened?”
“I’ve just needed to tell you something, and your video… it made it seem like you’re okay.”
That makes no sense. Has he been keeping something from me? Is that why he’s been distant?
“Tell me.”
Miles sucks in a breath and pulls a pillow into his lap. “My shift is changing,” he says simply. “Starting at the end of this contract. So two weeks from now.”
I let out a breath. A shift change? That’s what he’s freaking out about? “Because of the 90-day extension you requested?”
“They’re moving me to a different department, and it’s 6-6.”
“Okay?” I’m still confused. Why is that a big deal? “Wait. Do you mean 6 a.m. to 6 p.m.?”
He nods. “And Monday-Thursday.”
My heart plummets. “Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.” He wipes his nose with a tissue. “Sorry. I’ve been waiting until you could handle it, but then I heard your poem and it just… I lost it.” His face crumples. “I’ve needed you, Jordan.”
“You didn’t think I could handle it?” My mind is reeling.
Miles looks away, adjusting his glasses.
“We should’ve come up with ground rules before I dove into this shit. I never would’ve expected you to keep that from me.It’s obviously bad news.”Really bad.That shift couldn’t be any worse. “How long have you known?”
“A week.”
I curl inward. He’s kept this from me for a week? Why? So he could figure out a plan all on his own? Or so we both didn’t spiral? A lot of good that did, when he’s coming undone over it anyway.
But three months of opposite schedules? How is that even going to work? I’ve known a whole two minutes and it’s making me sick. Miles has known for a week.
“Hon, even in my darkest moments, I need you to tell me these things, okay? I need you to be honest with me. I love that you want to protect me, but we’re a team. If you would’ve told me this—”
“What, Jordan? If I would’ve told you this, what? You would’ve felt then what you’re feeling right now. When you were barely hanging on!”
