Piper:LOVE YOU!
Even Melody and Oliver sent me encouraging messages.
The support makes me teary. I stumble through a reply on our family group thread.
Me:Hey. I’m okay. Changing meds, which is what I hoped for. The next few weeks might be rough, but it’s what I need to do. Doc is hopeful, so I am too. Love you guys.
Declan replies right away, almost as if he was waiting for me.
Declan:Glad to hear it. Whatever you need, Jord, we got you. See you tomorrow.
Suddenly, the fear of the depression getting worse isn’t as suffocating. I won’t be going through it alone.
Another message pops up, from Miles.I see you’re on. You okay?
I hit the button to video call, needing to see his face. He answers immediately, hair dripping wet, like he just stepped out of a shower. “Hey! Everything okay?”
Just hearing his voice is like a warm blanket on a cold day. I sink into it, leaning my head against the headrest and closing my eyes. For a few seconds, I’m unable to speak, needing to process everything.
“Tell me, babe. How’d it go?” Miles presses.
“Amazing,” I say with a harsh laugh. “God, why did I wait so long, Miles? She didn’t say I was wrong or minimize anything. She listened and gave me a new script, which she said will take time to adjust to. And she warned me it could get worse before it gets better, but fuck. I’m so fucking relieved right now. That’s all I feel. Relief!”
“That’s good. Really good.” His cheeks puff out in a smile. “God, I wish I could hug you. I’m so proud of you. I know it’s not easy.”
“It wasn’t. But she was great about it. Like, completely unfazed by everything. Even when I talked about the sex stuff.”
“Yeah, because it’snormal,” Miles says, kindly but firmly. “Because what you’re experiencing isn’t only ayouthing. Millions of people go through this too. You’re not broken.”
My chest aches. “I know. Or trying to, anyway.”
“Hey, trying counts,” Miles says. “You’re doing the hard part. You’re showing up for yourself.”
I stare at the cracked windshield of the car in front of me, thinking how it used to mirror my life. For years, my father had made me believe the cracks weren’t real or that I could fix them by sheer will. The truth is, I couldn’t. I needed help. And evenafter I got help, it still wasn’t right. I had to keep asking, keep trying.
I just… didn’t know that. Not until Miles pointed it out.
“It feels weird,” I say after a moment.
“What do you mean?”
“I first went to her when I was in crisis, you know? I was suicidal. But I’m not anymore. Not even close. So asking for help now, it just… I don’t know. Feels different.”
“You don’t need to be in crisis to ask for help. Remember what I said about those who put off their medical care? They wait until they feelmorepain before they go in, when really, a little preventative care would have avoided the worst of it.” His voice softens. “You’re there because you’re learning to honor your body and your mind. You recognized a need, and you went to fill it. That’s all, Jordan. That’s all it needs to be.You have a right to feel better, even if it seems small. And for the record? This isn’t small. Mental health is a big fucking deal, and on top of that, it’s hard to navigate. But youdeserveto feel joy and safety in your own mind, just like everyone else. You did the right thing.”
God, I love him. “You’re cute when you ramble. Have I told you that?”
He smirks. “It’s not rambling if it’s all true.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“So, what’s next? You going home now?”
I suck in a breath. “Yeah. Declan gave me the day off. I think he knew I’d be wrung out after this. I’m gonna pick up the new meds and then... I don’t know. Probably collapse with the cat and stare at the ceiling for a bit. Maybe watch moreArrowlater.”
“I’m seriously so jealous.” He looks offscreen. “Lily, you need to step up on your cat duties! I need snuggles!”
“Don’t be too jealous. She’s notyou,”I say, with a wink.
