He glanced at me. “No, but I’m curious. I’ll give you a kiss for every honest answer if it helps sweeten the deal.”
I couldn’t resist his charm. “Does a blind date count?”
He chuckled. “So, I guess I should feel honored you’re still giving me the time of day, then?” he quipped.
“Hey, don’t act surprised. You already know how I felt about this. Or I thought you did, at least. Besides, I thought this was mutual. Am I wrong?”
“No. You’re not wrong,” he said as his smile faded. “There were a few guys I dated for a while, but I was always too focused on my career.”
I considered that. “No hot soccer boyfriend, then?”
He raised a brow. “Oh, there were plenty of hot soccer players I snuck away to have some fun with, but no, nothing serious.”
If I hadn’t been looking at him, I would have missed the tightness around his lips and the way his eyes seemed to dim at the confession. I gave him a questioning look, but he turned away, scraping the onions in a small bowl before rinsing the knife in the sink.
When the truth hit me, it felt like a punch to the gut.
“Hold up. You hooked up with them insecret?”I hedged. Rey shrugged. “Are you serious? Your team didn’t know you were gay?”
“Oh, a few of them knew, but… being gay is not easily accepted in sports, you know? Especially in Mexico. So, I had to keep it on the down low. The press would have had a field day if they knew the team had a gay athlete.”
I had no idea what to say, completely dumbfounded. Rey had been so open with me from the moment I met him, so uninhibited in showing his attraction to me that I’d never stopped to question if it was a new thing for him. I’d just assumed that’s how he always was. I simply couldn’t imagine him any other way, trying to hide that side of himself. It actually hurt to think about.
“Fuck, Rey. That must have sucked.”
He gave a noncommittal gesture. “It was what it was. I was so focused on my career it didn’t really bother me anyway. I knew how and where to have fun that wouldn’t cause a scene and that was enough for me.” His hips bumped mine as he stepped around me in the too-small kitchen to place the bowls on the counter by the pot. “The team was more important.”
“I guess I get that. It’s the same for me. My job isn’t exactly ideal for a healthy relationship either, but…” I swallowed hard, unable to look away from the stunning man in front of me. “I just can’t even imagine you hiding who you are.”
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” Rey asked. “About your job not being ideal for a relationship?”
“With the stress I bring home,” I replied simply. “You’ve seen it. I can’t ask someone to carry that or live in constant fear that something could happen to me.”
His dark brows pulled together. “You shouldn’t have toask,Jake,” Rey said flatly. “If they cared for you, they’d take that burden even if youdidn’task. That’s what love is, isn’t it? A partnership?”
Flashbacks of my parents hit me so hard it nearly knocked the air from my lungs. So many images of Mom trying to comfort Dad after difficult nights at work, him crying in her arms. I’d tried to be there for him too, but it was only her who’d seemed to lessen his heartache.
Fuck.I’d become so damn good at getting myself through tough shit that I’d somehow let myself believe I could do it alone. But I knew what that kind of support felt like now. Rey’s tender touch and unwavering compassion the morning after the woman’s death were enough to prove how wrong I’d been. Ineededhim, just as Dad had needed Mom. And that scared the shit out of me.
I tore my eyes away from Rey, suddenly afraid he’d see too much. “I wouldn’t know,” I said harshly. “Never been in a relationship before and I don’t plan to be anytime soon. Not when there’s always a chance I might not make it home.”
Rey didn’t react and I felt his hard stare on me as I moved around uncomfortably in the kitchen. We had about fifteen minutes before the cornbread was done, but it suddenly felt like an eternity. Our conversation had taken a sharp detour into serious territory, and now and unexpected tension was filling the air between us. I breathed in slowly, trying to somehow shake the turbulence in my chest, but it was nearly impossible.
I knew with absolute certainty Rey’s absence was going to leave me with a deep void that I’d probably never fill. In just the few short weeks I’d known him, he’d made a permanent crack in my armor, a weak spot that no amount of trying could fix.
Rey remained quiet, but I could feel him moving around behind me as I washed a few dishes. I knew I’d disappointed him, and that bothered me, probably more than it should have. But he should have already known I wasn’t looking for anything serious.
Neither was he,my heart scolded.
I carefully set the bowl down on the counter to dry before turning to jump up and sit on the counter. It was the only way I could keep from fleeing out of the room, which is what I really wanted to do. Run and hide.
But Reyes deserved better than that.
I watched him closely as he diced some jalapeños. There was roughly four feet of space between us, but it felt like the fucking Grand Canyon. I wanted to yank him to me, needy for his touch. I needed to know we were okay.
“Look, I’m sorry if what I said fucked up the evening. I just don’t think love is in the cards for me, that’s all. So if that’s what you’re thinking—”
“It’s not,” he said.
