I wasn’t the only one affected by tonight’s events, though. Everyone on my team was somber, full of remorse that we’d failed to protect that woman who, as law enforcement, we were sworn to protect. We huddled close, drawing on strength from each other to get through the night.
I overheard two of my fellow officers on their phones and could make out just enough of the conversations to know they were talking with their loved ones, needing reassurance after what they’d just witnessed. Hearing the small bit of comfort in their voices only augmented the hole in my lonely heart.
I didn’t have that. There was no one for me to call, no one to turn to when shit became too much. I could call my mom, sure, but I’d never willingly put this kind of burden on her, not after witnessing how hard it had been on her when Dad had done the same. And Beckett wouldn’t be much help. I know he cared and would listen, but he just wouldn’t know how to offer emotional support. So I had to shoulder this one on my own. Again.
It was moments like these that I missed my dad the most. He’d understand better than anyone, the internal war these situations caused. The insane high of adrenaline, along with the overwhelming sense of defeat that I’d failed to do my job. Dad would’ve known what to say to help me feel steady on my feet. He always had. Without warning, grief at his loss struck me all over again, and I longed to hear his voice in a way I hadn’t in a very long time.
When I had finally given my statement and was given permission to leave, my hands were still shaking. I sat in the patrol car for five long minutes, trying not to stare at the dark stains on my pants. I’d gotten surprisingly very little of the woman’s blood on me, considering how much she’d been bleeding. My knees and thigh had the worst of it, along with a few splotches on my shirt. The rest had been on my hands, which had been all too easy to wash off in the sink. That was it. The only proof of the horrible evening.
I had just started to turn the key over when I noticed my phone blinking in the cupholder. Reaching for it, I was surprised to find two missed calls from Reyes. The first was around 8PM and the second closer to 11PM. Just seeing his name began to ease some of the weight on my chest, and for the first time in hours, I felt like I could finally draw in a full breath. It wasn’t the same kind of comfort my coworkers had found in their loved ones, I knew that, but for that moment, it was enough. I didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.
It had been three days since I’d last seen him, at the hardware store, but we’d called or texted every day with random song lyrics or jokes and even sent stupid video clips back and forth to each other. There were few things I enjoyed more than making Reyes laugh these days, and wasn’t that a shock? Only a few weeks ago, I couldn’t fathom the idea of spending more than one night with the same person or even spending time together outside of the bedroom. But since I’d met Rey, I’d started to look forward to when I would see him next, even if only for a short while. I also hadn’t wanted to hang out with anyone else. I hadn’t fallen for him; my feelings weren’t that deep. I just… cared for Rey. A lot. He was becoming someone important to me. Similar to how Beckett was important to me… but different, too. I couldn’t put my finger on exactlywhatReyes was to me.
Rey’s smile was the only thing I let myself focus on during the drive home, the only thing that seemed to keep the darkness at bay. Before I realized it, my thoughts had taken me right past the inn, and I couldn’t resist pulling in to the parking lot. It was late, so I was surprised to see Reyes on the back porch of his room in one of the Adirondack chairs. He stood as I pulled into the nearest parking spot and started to make his way over to me.
I didn’t let myself put much thought into the rush of relief that came over me as soon as our bodies collided. After the night I’d just had, I just fucking needed him in a way I couldn’t understand. My grip was almost brutal as I held him, and the kiss I demanded was sure to leave us both bruised, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t explain what was happening, and I was completely helpless to stop it. I didn’twantto stop it. I needed it. NeededRey.And the way Rey wrapped his arms around me, lodging me firmly between himself and the car, told me he instinctively knew why I’d come here. I drank him in as if he was the last drop of sunshine, desperate for his warmth and goodness to work its way into every corner of my soul. Every touch, every kiss, and every gentle word pushed a little bit more of the ugliness away until finally my world had righted itself again. All because of the man encompassing me. The thing was, it wasn’t even his body I needed tonight as much as justhim.His presence, his voice, his comfort.HIM.Rey was enough for me.
It was in that moment that I realized how much power another person could have over you. How their touch could affect you in a way that turned your entire day around. Rey’s hold on me not only seared through the despair of the last several hours, but also reminded me there was still good in this world. It gave me the courage I needed to continue.
At least until the next victim came.
We were almost the same height, so it was easy to look into his eyes when I pulled back. The endless blue I was used to admiring seemed almost black in the dark, but his eyes were still just as comforting. Just as soothing to my unsteady heart.
Rey noticed something on my shirt and stepped back to get a better look. His eyes went wide when he saw the blood, making me wish I’d have thought of changing before coming over. “Shit, babe, what happened?”
I had to look away. “Work.”
He must have heard the tone in my answer because his voice softened. “Are you okay?”
“No.” I felt him tense and rushed to reassure him. “Sorry, I mean yes. It’s not mine. I’m fine. It was just… a really bad night.”
The sincere concern coming from Reyes was enough to make my throat thick with emotion. Several people at work had asked if I was all right during the aftermath of the event, but it felt like nothing more than the standard set of questions, meaningless platitudes. Something our team of trained personnel would ask to make sure I was still suitable for work after what I’d just witnessed. When Reyes asked though, it felt… different. Like he was asking me to unload the burden.
It unnerved me how much I wanted to trust him with this. Deep down, I knew I could. I absolutely knew it in my soul. After all, my heart was what led me here. But now, I was struggling to let it all go. I knew I was safe with Rey, but I just couldn’t put the weight of what I felt inside on him. Or anyone, for that matter.
I hadn’t realized Rey had pressed against me again until I felt the pad of his thumb sweep over my cheek. I unconsciously turned into his touch, needing the contact, no matter how small.
“I’m okay,” I said again, though it sounded empty, even to my own ears.
He tilted my chin up, kissing me gently. “Whatever you need to feel good tonight, you can have it,” he whispered.
My heart skipped a beat. They were almost the exact words I’d used on him the week before. He understood I couldn’t talk about it, but he still wanted to offer me the same safe place I’d given him.
I reached for his hand and linked our fingers, leading us to his room. Rey’s eyes were dark as he watched me begin to undress, a tiny smile on his lips, but I could tell he was far more concerned than actually turned on. Kicking my boots aside, I stayed in my pants and crossed the distance to stand next to him. I knew I smelled awful, but Reyes didn’t seem bothered by it. Then again, he was probably used to being around stinky, sweaty men from his team. His fuckingnationalteam. It was so damn easy to forget this gorgeous man was basically a celebrity.
“Left the best part for me, did you?” he said in a heated tone.
I gave a small smile. “Always.”
His eyes never left mine as he began to undo the button of my pants. As soon as they hit the floor, he stepped aside and looked down. A sexy grin spread over his face as he trailed his fingers along the waistband of the jockstrap. I didn’t need to look to know which pair I’d worn today, dark blue with tiny white pinstripes. I’d chosen them because the color reminded of Rey’s eyes, and I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him this morning.
“You’re like a Christmas present I get to unwrap every time I see you.”
“I like you unwrapping me.” My attempt at humor came out flat, my emotions raw. “Shower first.” It wasn’t a question.
He dipped a finger under the waistband and began tugging me with him as he walked to the bathroom. Turning the water on, Rey pressed me against the counter and pinched my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His eyes held mine for a long moment, like molten sapphires, soothing me from the inside out. It wasn’t enough. I needed him close. I tore at his shirt until we were skin to skin. Rey folded his strong, steady arms around me and moved to kiss my neck while we waited for the water to warm up. I simply melted into his embrace, greedily accepting everything he offered. Everywhere his skin touched was the warmest, gentlest of caresses, holding the despair at bay. It was somehow easier to breathe when I was wrapped tightly in Rey’s arms.
“What is it about you that makes everything better?”
When Rey froze, my heart lurched. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but now there was no taking it back. I also didn’t want to. I’d meant it. Reyesdidmake everything better, even if I didn’t understand how.
He pulled back to look in my eyes, dropping a hand to my neck as he whispered, “You make things better for me too, Jake.”
When his lips met mine, I held Rey a little tighter. I’d come here tonight because it had simply felt like the right thing to do after a horrible night, and in so many ways, that didn’t make sense. This wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a one-night stand. Maybe two guys having a little fun while he was here working for the clinic. Our connection wasn’t supposed to be there. None of this was supposed to be real.
But if Rey’s touch had this much power over me, that he could turn my entire night around with a simple kiss, how could it be anythingbutreal?
