Fear and anger wrestled in my heart, but more than anything, I felt the pang of deep sorrow for all the years we’d lost. I suddenly didn’t want to tell Riley what happened. Once he learned that we had been stripped of our chance not once, but twice at the hands of our families, he’d feel the same crushing pain I did. I wanted to protect him from that.
Riley brushed a thumb under my eye, making me realize I’d started to cry.
“Talk to me, Beck,” he said softly. “What happened? Why were you at the tree house?”
As much as I wanted to protect Riley, I knew I needed to tell him the truth if there was any hope for us to build a future together. I drew in a shaky breath and shared every detail with him, starting with the phone call I received from Tosh on my drive into town, then about how hard it was to see my niece so frail and weak in the hospital bed. Riley was just as hurt and confused as I expected when I told him about finding our comic book in Tosh’s closet, his eyes filling with tears. It was harder than I expected to see that, especially when I told him what Tosh said after I confronted her and how Ben defended me. My voice cracked when I explained that Tosh had seen him in town and followed him to the tree house that fateful day in August, seven years ago. Riley started to shake his head in disbelief, silently asking the same question I had.Why?Why hadn’t she reached out, talked to him, and helped us reconnect?And then there was the biggest, most obvious question, the one that really dug its claws in.Didn’t she know Riley was there looking for me?
Of course, she did. She saw Psychic Eagle Eye’s confession on the pages of our book. She knew why Riley was there, yet she still chose not to help us.
I hesitated with the last part of the story, because I didn’t know how Riley would what I was about to say. “Your Grandpa wrote Tosh shortly after that, Ry,” I said softly.
The hand in my hair froze and his eyes went wide. “What?”
“Your grandfather went through child services, who contacted our old family lawyer for our address. He was requesting permission to contact me on your behalf. Tosh refused him.”
Riley covered his mouth, more tears spilling over. “Wh-why would she do that?”
“She said it was because of how unstable I was. Like I told you a little bit ago, I was in a really dark place while I was in the military. It was a scary time for me. But she said you seemed unstable, too, so she thought it would be a mistake to get us together again. It still-”
“Iwasunstable, Beck!” His voice was high with emotion, so I tightened my hold on him. “I was a mess that weekend! I went there trying to find you and I was devastated when… when I had no idea where you or Tosh went. It felt like I lost you all over again. I went home and told Grandpa everything because I was so furious with him for taking me from you. He knew I was gay by then, but he never knew I had feelings for you so he… he understood me a lot more after that.” Riley dashed at the tears as he rambled on, visibly hurt. “How could she not know I was looking for you?”
Much of the anger I’d felt the night before came back in a rush. “I know. It wasn’t her fucking call!” I barked. “It wasn’t…. she kept us apart, Riley! You and me. All this time we could have been together like we should have been, and she—"
Riley closed his arms around my neck, crushing me in a way that told me he felt the loss just as much as I did. We would never get that time back and no amount of apologies could undo what we’d lost.
I had no idea how long we sat there before our grief turned into a fierce need to replace the suffocating ache in our chests. We needed something to remind us how united and strong we were together. Riley held my face in both hands as he kissed me with such longing before moving to tug my earlobe with his teeth. I groaned.
“I need you, Beckett,” he whispered.
“I need you too, Ry.”
“We’re gonna have to get creative, cause I’m not going in that stink dungeon again any time soon.”
I lifted him and went to the sofa, removing both our underwear on the way.
“Condom?” he asked between kisses.
I had to think, because it wasn’t something I kept a regular supply of.
“Uh, hold on.” I ran to the bathroom in my room and found what I needed, barely remembering to snatch the bottle of lube by my bed on my way back out. I had to hold my breath the entire time.Stink dungeon, indeed.
“You know,” he said when I returned, “I kind of like that it took you a long time to think of the answer, like you haven’t had sex in… what is it?” he asked, when he saw my face.
“It’s expired.”
He glanced at it, then back at me, a mix of amusement and disappointment clear on his face. “Just how longhasit been for you?”
I rolled my eyes. “I… um, I know I’m clean. From my army discharge, I mean. I haven’t been with anyone,” I admitted, “but we don’t…”
He all but shoved me on the couch as he straddled me. “I’m clean too.”
His lips and hands were everywhere while I made quick work of preparing his body. When we joined, I felt that same jarring in my chest as before, the tightening that told me this was something much deeper and more real than anything I’ve ever felt before. I didn’t know Riley’s past, but I could see in his eyes, he was feeling the depth of our connection too. There was a sense of belonging that couldn’t be explained.
As if sensing my thoughts, he leaned down to kiss me with such bone-deep devotion that it rattled my soul. It was the kind of kiss that would stay with me for the rest of my life, saying what we both could not… not yet. That what we had was the forever kind of thing. It started when we were just kids and somehow, against all odds, we found our way back to each other.
Riley and I took as much as we gave, satisfying every need, every craving to be as close as humanly possible. My nails dug into his skin whenever he twisted his hips just right and Riley cried out each time I hit that sweet spot deep inside him. We poured ourselves into one another, lavishing each other with affections gentle enough to sooth every wound yet powerful to undo any lingering doubts we might have had.Thiswas where we belonged. Right here, in each other’s arms.
Our bodies were slick with sweat when his dark eyes met mine, a wicked storm just waiting to break through. His body drew up tight as he crashed down hard on me one last time, and a moment later, I felt his release paint my stomach as he breathed my name.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the inferno raging within his. Those beautiful, soulful eyes burned into the deepest parts of me, healing me from the inside out. They were my beacon, my light that was calling me home. I went willingly, surrendering myself up to the only man who has ever truly known me, the only man I’d ever loved. His name echoed off the walls as I came, a declaration and a promise from the depths of my heart that it was only him who resided there. There never had been, or ever would be, anyone else. Riley Tanager was where my heart had found its home.
I was quickly learning Riley was an energetic lover, giving every ounce of himself into the act, which meant his body turned to jelly afterward. He collapsed against me almost as soon as he was spent, heaving happy, contended sighs. I loved holding him in those moments, knowing I was the one who sent him to the heavens and the one to catch him as he came back down. I would have been content to hold him another few hours, if it weren’t for the sound of a key sliding into the lock of the front door that had us both bolting for the bedroom before we even drew our next breath.
