In that sacred moment, I felt God’s presence as I’d never experienced before. Soft words from the Psalms came to mind as I rolled over to my side, hiccupping with a sob. Words that spoke of Him knowing me, my every move, my every thought. Psalm 139 returned to me, where His Word said that He saw our beginning before one day was lived, and He also saw the end. I remembered reading the verse that also promised He kept a book of our lives. All of it, every day.
Memories of Mama reading that Psalm to me over and over during my childhood made me see the beloved passages in a new way as I sat in this moment. God saw me and loved me and had a plan for my life. Most importantly, He was also close enough to know all those things about me.
My eyes fluttered closed as I praised Him and thanked Him for my family. Even though Papa and I had a close bond, I adored my motherand even my ridiculously protective brother more than life itself. As I listed everything I was grateful for, He did what was also promised in His Word. He restored the joy of my salvation.
Even as the hours passed and I felt Him healing a deep wound I’d never fully given to Him after the loss of my father, I knew there was something more I needed to surrender.
Getting up and turning on the lamp next to my bed I opened the drawer on the nightstand. I climbed into bed and pulled out my well-worn Bible. I looked back over that Psalm once more, my mind tugging on a memory.
My breath caught as fresh tears streamed down my face while I read Psalm 139:13-14.
For You created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
“Forgive me, Father God, for not loving myself, loving the body You gave me. Help me remember every single day that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image.”
I fell asleep shortly afterward, wrapped in the Father's love. Along with that, there was a new freedom that brought peace and renewed strength.
Fearfully and wonderfully made.
thirteen
. . .
Vicky
On Monday morning when I was getting ready for work, it seemed as if the sun was brighter, the sky bluer, and the harbor view more stunning.
God and I did some deep healing work the night before, and today I knew it was time to start exploring my new city with the time I had left here. That thought brought a painful ache in my chest, which I soothed away with my newfound peace.
I realized I had hardly seen anything of San Diego. No matter what happened with my job or even with Miles, I wanted to take advantage of the adventure I’d been given. Making plans to explore some of the places Sofia had told me about, I got ready for work.
When I entered the office building, passing the dreaded mirrored elevators that took me to my floor, I held my head high as I checked my reflection. It wasn’t about the clothes anymore. It was about the heart, mind, and soul beneath them. Yes, I felt confident in my eggplant-colored dress and strappy black heels, the former making me appreciate my curves, but it was the strength I felt in knowing who I was.
“Whoa. What happened to you?” Kitty asked, her eyebrows raised as I entered our cubicle a few minutes later.
“What do ya mean?” I asked, frowning as I set down my bag.
She tossed the empty coffee cup, more like a tub, into the trash as she looked me up and down.
“Something is different,” she said slowly. “You’redifferent. There’s an…air about you.”
“I guess I had some much-needed conversations recently. Ifeeldifferent.” I was surprised she noticed immediately, and I stopped worrying about my slightly swollen eyes.
“Hmm. Would those conversations have been with a certain gorgeous tech guy whose party you attended last night?”
Biting back a smile, I answered, “Only a tiny bit. The rest was just about me.”
“Well, glad it helped. I like it.”
“I like it, too,” I answered, unable to hide my smile.
Pouring over the last of the plans with the people who would be working on MJ’s room this week, I stretched my back and heard my stomach rumble.
“Hey, Vicky,” Martin said from across the room. “Someone’s here to see you.”
Sitting up straight in my chair with a snap, I saw Miles walking my way. Even his walk was mesmerizing. Confident, tall, and did I mention incredibly handsome? His gait was slow and measured, like he had all the time in the world. And that smile.
Father, You did some good work, I’m happy to report.
