He scoffed, turning to me, and said, “We’ll have to fix that. Can’t live in San Diego and not go to the beach. That’s just cruel.”
I wiped my hands on my napkin and answered, “Is that an invitation, Mr. Austin?”
His eyes sparkled with mischief. “Yes, it is, Ms. Lazzara. Name the date.”
Chuckling, I walked to the side table by the door where he’d put my laptop bag.
“I’ll have to take you up on that someday, but tonight, we need to work.”
While he put away containers in the refrigerator, I slipped the bag off the table and headed to the living room. “Want to work in the living room or in MJ’s room? You said you wanted to really be able to see it.”
As the words came out, I realized I was asking if he wanted to go to his daughter’s bedroom, and by the look of surprise on his face, I feared I’d made him uncomfortable.
“Well, looks like it’smyturn to say something embarrassing. I meant…”
Miles walked into the living room and patted the sofa next to him. “I know what you meant. Can’t make fun of you too much after what I’ve said tonight.”
Relieved, I settled in next to him, slipping my laptop out and scrolling to find the file.
“Okay, so I know this is a bit unconventional, but MJ is an exceptional girl. Look at what I’ve come up with and see if I’m going in the right direction.” I opened my file, silently praying he’d see my vision for the space.
He moved a bit closer to me, causing me to inhale deeply as his cologne or body wash, which smelled like sandalwood, invaded my space.
“Here’s what I have so far,” I said with as much confidence as I could. “She talked about all the things she’s interested in. Science, music, art, to name a few. Her list was quite long. If we made one whole wall basically a blackboard for her, using special paint, she wouldn’t have to feel limited as her interests grew. Now, she told me she’s fascinated with astronomy right now. We can hang colorful models of the planets from her ceiling.”
Miles was quiet as I clicked on more images, so I kept going. “We can get science-related shapes done in pastel neon to put on the walls. Oh, and I was thinking of putting a desk for her to do her schoolwork on one wall, but near her bed, put another one where we can set up her experiments.”
I stood up, excited about my vision, his eyes on me instead of my laptop screen.
“It sounds eclectic, but, well, so is your daughter. She’s so brilliant! The way she was expressing herself, her mix of diva and rock star. I mean, she’s amazing. Her mind is…how do I explain it? She’s so full of love and heart and peace, but then her ideas are fun, chaotic.”
I was waving my hands as I always did when I got excited. Finally, I took a breath to calm my erratic behavior. “Sorry. I just adore her, and I’veonly met her once. Miles, she’s just incredible. I want so badly to give her the room of her dreams.”
He looked up at me with an expression that caught me off guard. It was full of wonder and joy. Yet his blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears. My eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“Whoa, did I say something wrong? Go too far? I’m sorry. Guess I got carried away.”
He leaned back on the sofa, lifting his face to the ceiling. My throat went dry as I watched him anxiously. “Miles?”
He shook his head and slowly lowered his face, his eyes locked on mine. “How do you do that?” he whispered.
I sat down quickly next to him but didn’t touch him, his eyes following my motion.
“Do what? If this isn’t what you want, we can change it.” I thought he seemed to like my ideas, but now I wasn’t so sure.
“Vicky.” He took a deep breath. “I just really haven’t had many outside of my family recognize those things in MJ before. Sheisincredible. She amazes me every day. Most days I don’t think I can keep up with her,” he said through a shaky chuckle, discreetly wiping his eyes as he turned away.
“Anyone who can’t see what a treasure she is can’t be looking too hard. She won me over in just a few hours.”
I wanted to reach out and hold his hand like he had done for me earlier. What was this connection we shared? It made no sense. We were eight years apart, from different countries. I was an inexperienced college graduate, and Miles had lived a whole life with a wife and child. Yet, in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to ease his pain. So I did the only thing I was allowed to do.
“Hey, you’re an incredible father. MJ has thrived and understands she’s free to learn and grow because of the love you've nurtured with her. You accept her for who she is and have apparently tried not to limit her. That’s why she feels comfortable trying new things. You’ve given her wings and a safe place to land if she fails.”
He turned back toward me, no longer worried about the tears that were once again filling his expressive eyes. Those eyes that first caught my attention at the wedding all those months ago. The ones I had stared at from his photo in my private moments. The smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. But I had seen his real smile, or at least I thought I had. Tonight, Miles didn’t look like the tired, soulful, sad man I’d met that night in Positano. Before this moment, he’d seemed alive and relaxed, joyful even.
I wiped a few tears from his scruffy cheek, my thumb gliding along his face. The sun was setting, washing the living room in strokes of orange and red like a painting. The sound of ocean waves crashing onto the shore in the distance was like background music, all of it witnessing our powerful moment that I was terrified would end too soon.
“I…I always feel like I’m failing her. Never enough, no matter how hard I work.” His voice was low, his words broken as he held back emotions that seemed too big for him to voice. I wanted to say the right thing, to validate his feelings, but he was wrong about himself.
