“Aye,” he said quietly. “That’s what I mean.”
She stared at him.
“Ye cannae just say things like that just because ye are the Laird,” she said, and her voice had gone slightly rough at the edges.
“I’ve been thinkin’ it for long. It seems fair that ye hear it once.”
“Noah.” She put her free hand flat against the wall, steadying herself. “I grew up with nothin’. I ran from me father’s house with the clothes on me back. I’ve never been to a proper dinner, never learned the things a lady’s supposed to ken, never.” She stopped. “I daenae belong in yer world. And the longer I pretend I might, the harder it’ll be when I have to leave it.”
“Who said ye have to leave it?”
“Nae one needed to. When the time comes, it’ll be the practical thing to do.”
“Fear drives ye,” he said, gently. “And I understand it. But it isnae true.”
For the life of her, Ava could not think of what to answer back.
“Tell me ye daenae feel anythin’,” he said. “Look at me and say it clearly, and I’ll go.”
She looked at him. The candle guttered in a draught and steadied. Esther’s door stayed closed.
“I cannae think when ye’re this close,” she said at last. Not an answer. Both of them knew it was.
“Then stop thinkin’.”
“That’s terrible advice.”
“Ava.” He lifted one hand and tucked the loose strand of hair from her face. The same gesture, the same place, and he felt her go still at it the way she always did, every time. “I’m nae askin’ ye to decide everythin’ tonight. I’m only askin’ ye to stop runnin’ from it.”
“I’m nae runnin’,” she said, with some spirit. “I’m against a wall.”
“Aye.” The corner of his mouth moved. “Ye are.”
“If this goes wrong, I willnae forgive ye or meself.”
“It willnae.”
“Ye cannae promise that.”
“Nay,” he agreed. “But I can promise that whatever comes, it willnae be because I didnae mean what I said.”
She looked at him for a long moment. Searching, taking his measure the way she’d done since the first night in the cottage. He let her look.
“I daenae have the words yet,” she said finally, quietly. “For what I feel. I cannae say it back, nae tonight. I need time.”
“Ye daenae have to.” He meant it completely. “I’m nae askin’ for it in return. I’m only askin’ ye to stop pretendin’ it isnae there.”
“This is still a terrible idea,” she said.
“Probably.”
“And ye’ve terrible timin’.”
“I’ve been told.”
The corner of her mouth moved. He kissed her before it could become a proper smile, and felt her hands come up to his shirt immediately, which was its own kind of answer to every question he’d asked.
He kissed her slowly and thoroughly, and she kissed him back with no ambivalence left in it at all.
