“Asleep. She went down easy.” She watched him come. “Ye’re looking at me like that again.”
“Like what?”
“Like that.” She gestured at his face. “Ye ken what I mean.”
He stopped close.
Close enough that she took one step back before the wall stopped her. The candle between them threw warm light across her cheekbones.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“That’s never a sentence that ends well.”
“Ava.”
“What?” Her chin came up. “What is it?”
“I cannae keep doin’ this.” He said it steadily. “The want. The pretendin’. Meals and corridors and acting like nothing is going on.” He stopped. “I’m done with it.”
“Done with what exactly?”
“Pretendin’ I daenae feel what I feel.”
She was very still. “Noah.”
“Let me finish.” He held her gaze. “I cannae be in the same room as ye and think about anythin’ else. I cannae sit across from ye at dinner and act like it’s nothin’. I look at ye and I,” He stopped.
Something moved through his jaw. “I daenae have a clean name for it yet. But it isnae nothin’, Ava, and I’m done pretendin’ it is.”
The silence that followed had a different quality from every other silence they’d shared.
Ava stared at him. He watched her process it, the way her expression moved through surprise and something that might have been longing before she got it under control.
“It’s desire,” she said quietly. “That’s all it is. It’ll pass away.”
“If it were only that, I’d have managed it.” His voice came out low and entirely certain. “I ken the difference, Ava. Daenae tell me what I feel.”
“Ye’re a laird,” she said as if that settled it.
“Everyone kens I’m a laird.”
“And I’m...” She looked at him with an expression that mixed exasperation with something rawer underneath. “I’m nobody, Noah. I’m a lass who swept tavern floors and still daenae kenwhich fork to use at yer table. Whatever ye think ye feel, it’ll pass, believe me.”
“It’ll pass?” he said. “Is that what ye were goin’ to say?”
Her jaw tightened.
“It’s more than a few weeks now,” he said. “It hasnae passed. If anythin’, it’s gotten considerably worse.”
“That’s nae reassurin’.”
“It wasnae meant to be reassurin’. It was meant to be honest.” He held her gaze. “Ye think ye’re nae fit for this life. But ye’ve been livin’ it for weeks, Ava. Ye stood in me courtyard and took apart a woman twice yer age in front of everyone, for a child ye’d known a week.” He paused. “What part of that isnae fit?”
“That’s...” She pressed her lips together. “That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because that’s just bein’ meself.”
